Helloo World!

Keying into the ‘Me’ time is so tough after the long sojourn. I really did think that it would be so easy to hop back and pick up things from where I have left. A long pause of 4 years feels like a life time and it is not easy to pretend that nothing has changed, especially when I know that the dreamy idealist has learned to shield herself with a cloak of realism..

What makes me drag myself to the writing desk today? A small acknowledgement from the void that made me long for those deep pauses of reflective contemplations. Sometimes its just a little push that is needed at the right time. So thank you pal for that small token and yes I hear you. It is no fun to lock myself out from that little shelter that I so ardently crafted for being my muse.

Rediscovering things that are close to heart should be positively charging, isn’t it? I still cant shake that sense of clumsy premonition that is playing my companion with every key stroke. I hope it passes away soon to lead me into that familiar comfort zone as I make terms with myself. Until then, here is a big  ‘hello world’ into the void. Thank you for the tireless encouragement and that humbling patience with which you embrace me in my every waking moment.

Self-Assurance

I never knew this simple phrase would jolt me back into this little world of mine.. Often what you take for granted is the one that requires utmost focus. Feels as if the music played on when I was napping.. Life crawled in slow finesse, whilst I slept unaware. Until.. until someone shook me up and asked my name.

Now what’s in a name? What’s in a name except for a simple attempt to frame an identity. Except for spelling that unique purpose it stands for? Hmm.. Here I am, wondering, what does my name stand for?

I have always taken pride in my this single strong trait of my identity. My confidence in my ability and my trust in my judgment has always been the guiding force in my life. No matter how strong the persuasiveness of life is, my spine has always been straight. What would you do when the whole world stands against you and screams against your conscience and best judgment? Whose side would you take? Would you hold on and stand for what you deem right, or would you give up yourself for the sake of acceptance? Sounds like a tough choice, isn’t it? Somehow I have always believed that One should never leave the side of oneself for the sake of anything, as long as what s/he believes it to be  true. Does this echo with you? Do tell me..

In words better described by Gall-up, which I often look upto..

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Self-Assurance is similar to self-confidence. In the deepest part of you, you have faith in your strengths. You know that you are able — able to take risks, able to meet new challenges, able to stake claims, and, most important, able to deliver. But Self-Assurance is more than just self-confidence. Blessed with the theme of Self-Assurance, you have confidence not only in your abilities but in your judgment. When you look at the world, you know that your perspective is unique and distinct. And because no one sees exactly what you see, you know that no one can make your decisions for you. No one can tell you what to think. They can guide. They can suggest. But you alone have the authority to form conclusions, make decisions, and act. This authority, this final accountability for the living of your life, does not intimidate you. On the contrary, it feels natural to you. No matter what the situation, you seem to know what the right decision is. This theme lends you an aura of certainty. Unlike many, you are not easily swayed by someone else’s arguments, no matter how persuasive they may be. This Self-Assurance may be quiet or loud, depending on your other themes, but it is solid. It is strong. Like the keel of a ship, it withstands many different pressures and keeps you on your course.

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Respect For Individual..

This time I started with the title first, and as soon as I keyed it in, it sounded darn preachy! Especially when I have the Accenture core values pamphlet in front of me that has features the title as one of the core values. 🙂 Yet, it has been a lingering thought since sometime, and I have some interesting anecdotes to share.

Now that I mentioned Accenture, let me start with my induction programme that happened some months back. We were allotted some 2 hours session for discussion around this particular core value. Incidentally, this was I think the last session of the day and all of the participants were tired. The faculty walks in. The first question he posed to the listless audience was: “how much time do you all give to me?”. Someone answered 30 minutes. He quietly agrees and announces that this is ‘respect for individual’. I couldn’t help but burst clapping in appreciation. Yes. Indeed, he closed the session within agreed time and I did carry the message home. 🙂

One of my favorite anecdotes in office humor has been about ‘biscuit’. Though we often kid about the incident in lighter note, it did generate a serious thought too. It all happened in one of those office treks, where we are buying food stuff for snacking en route. One of the teammates wanted to pick some biscuits for it and he was made fun by some folks of being kiddish for his food choice. It is very easy to get carried away in light hearted banter. Most often, humor generated is at the expense of someone, especially in groups. Finally, that poor chap didn’t pick his biscuits and that did leave that feeling of denial with us.

Yet, that incident did trigger a new dictum in the gang, which we call by name biscuit. A rule to abide by the respective individual choices instead of succumbing to group think. And it did offer me some interesting experiences too. Respecting somebody’s interest in Art and Theatre did take me to ‘Water Lilies’, ‘Natyalakshana’ or ‘Don Muttuswami’, some of which I throughly enjoyed. “What’s your biscuit?”, this question that often happens among us, whilst we are thinking about weekend plans, often sounds like music. The idea of group coming to individual and celebrating independent thoughts, instead of individual interests being drowned in group is charming. And Yes. No one is denied of biscuit these days. 🙂

A Testimonial Of Love…

Sometimes I wonder that’s what love in life is. Love and its longing weaves a lilting yearning in my life that I seldom pause to wonder at the magic of love that I subconsciously indulge in. Love that’s giving, love that can make a prophet, martyr or a seer out of a self centered person. Yet, at times I cant help but ponder if love is selfish. When those really close loved ones ask for a testimonial of love. I feel like saying that love is not a piece of cake where each may lay their claim. Yet, its that obligation of relationship that makes me play along. Especially when I really believe in the strength of their affection. Something in that mental makeup of mine votes for that obligation that springs from love over privatism(or the joy that results from celebtrating my individuality). May be, its true. We all change for the ones we love. 

True to my stars, I can seldom differentiate between love and friendship, as I think one feeds on another. Sometimes, I tilt much towards the latter, as it taught me how to give without expectations and about being there in times of need. Yet, if I have to sum life in a few words, its always family, friends and a chance of self-expression.

Bangalore And Its Maddening Traffic Woes..

Now, this post is triggered by Blogathon Topics list. Especially because I believe that Bangalore is chocked by maddening rush of vehicles and in my personal experience, I might have spent some hours caught in jams. Bangalore traffic steals the hot seat for any coffee time discussion and since Blogathon offered me an official reason for this rant, I might as well capitalize on it. 🙂 Though I have been a Bangalorean since only 8 months, the tall, centennial trees and the sprawling greenery across the city has captured my loyalty. Its easy to crib about how life has become difficult while maneuvering through the Bangalore Roads, but I am really unused to applying thought to combat the traffic woes rather than opting for staying at home, that is. 🙂

For a hightech city, that once used to be known as retired people’s paradise, it is a huge shift from being a peaceful little garden city to the ultramodern silicon valley of India. We paid the price for this development through increased floating population, congested roads, longer routes, maddening polution, and increasing mercury levels that are making their presence felt during this hot sunday afternoon.

A quick look at Bangalore Traffic Website  bought forward some interesting facts. We are a city with over 80 lakhs of people using more than 28 lakhs of personal transportation. Our public means of transportation (BMTC) carries over 28 lakhs of passenger trips everyday, and still bears the venom of public for being less frequent and inaccessable. Its a nightmare to navigate through M.G. Road, Bannerghatta Road, Jaya Nagar, Majestic etc. during the official hours. Yes, the idea of Metro Railway and Mass Transit Facilities sound easy on harrowed throats, yet they are still some years away. If I have to think about some interm means, these do come to my mind.

Multi Floored Parking Joints to ease the traffic woes in narrow congested roads like M.G. Road, Brigade Road, Sankey Road, Cubbon Park Road, J.C.Road, Kempegowda Road, Sheshadri Road, Richmond Road, and Residency Road. Hunting for parking slots on these streets is a daunting task and we can often notice people making rounds for dropping their vehicles off. Multi Floored Steel Paid Parking Joints can save a lot of space on these roads and can ease some congestion as well.

A Realtime updated Postit Website that reflects the current state of traffic on popular routes and suggests alternative routes is much needed in this techie city. If it has a facility to bring people together for car pooling or ride sharing, it would be just apt. Car Pooling is not a new idea, it must have been there for ages. And it requires some serious consideration for innovative implementation in Bangalore. As the ambitious plan to make Bangalore a Digital city with city Wi-Fi comes live, getting real time updates on the traffic status becomes much more easier.

SMS updates for telecom subscribers on their regular routes. Most of us have regular routes for frequent travel, either to office or home that we cannot avoid. However a realtime update on the traffic status over SMS or on FM would help us in either easing our blood pressure levels or making way for some intelligent planning.

Some Ownership from us, the citizens in ensuring responsible driving and sensitive attitude. I have seen some really insensitive drivers on Bangalore roads, who consider breaking traffic rules as their birth right and are truly inconsiderate for fellow drivers. I suggest carrying a newspaper and spending some time on Page 3 gossip or SENSEX updates, rather than enriching our vocabulary of expletives on fellow drivers or Bangalore Traffic. Getting cheesed off on things like inevitable Traffic Jams may not bring an earth shattering change to Bangalore, but would surely effect our mental atitude and stress levels. Be easy on yourself and those frayed nerves, switch on that favorite music of yours, twitter on traffic status and enjoy the chilled Bangalore weather while waiting for traffic to clear up.

 blogathonindia, blogathonindia1

In Pursuit of Happiness..

There is a moment in that movie where Will Smith says, “It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”. That did made me ponder about the futility thats inherent in the pursuit of happiness. Yet, I shut my inner voice to indulge in that movie, as I loved the father and son chemistry very much there.

I get quizzical when people come and tell me that they are in pursuit of these. Happiness. Joy. Laughter. Peace. Through out life, they keep these very things that they long for at bay running after materialistic pursuits , trying to ensure that they would be eternally happy ensconced in luxury in the end. Finally, most of them end up rudely surprised by the bout of misery and dissatisfaction that surmount them even after reaching the pinnacle of achievement. What went wrong? How could these tremendously intelligent people miss the bus of holistic Life?

This nagging thought is consuming me in all intensity. Though I can debate endlessly about the origin and location of happiness and proclaim holy statements that look with in one self, what makes me wonder is the continuity of effort that happiness demands. My moods, and state of mind are in constant flux, and there are always things that can make me rattled or cheesed off on a daily basis. It really requires detachment, determination and a great deal of focus to keep up my cool in times of crisis and uncertainty.

Two days back, I was very unhappy about a certain situation. My mind and emotions were really disturbed and then, in an attempt to tease myself out of thought and in pursuit of peace, I went to Ragi Gudda Temple. Even, the God couldn’t numb my worry and a little reflection told me that I desperately needed an attitude change more than the location or work. Probably seeking pleasure or happiness would inherently invite misery along. For, I believe that any activity inbuilt with a sense of purpose is a blend of pain and gain. We struggle, and we learn. We cry and we earn. We can only try to attempt a state of mind which can rival the lotus leaf that can stay untouched by the water even in the middle of a pond. We can be happy only if we choose to be happy. And that requires a constant effort indeed. For now, let me try to digest Karma Yoga (The Yoga of Action) of Swami Vivekananda which advocates about the pursuit of knowledge instead of pleasure. Hoping to garner some reflection there.

Summing Up The First Quarter..

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? 🙂 When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there 🙂 ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. 😉

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

All Motion Is Not Action..

Something that I heard from a Colleague today. Made perfect sense!

Yes, indeed smart work counts.

A Touch Of Madness…

Whenever I think of Madness, a wickedly grinning cheshire cat flashes in my mind and somehow my mind fondly muses on this conversation from my favorite book..

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Alice went on. ‘Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where–‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘–so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.’

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. ‘What sort of people live about here?’
‘In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw round, ‘lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the other paw, ‘lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.’

‘But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked.
‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat: ‘we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’
‘How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice.
‘You must be,’ said the Cat, ‘or you wouldn’t have come here.’
Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she went on ‘And how do you know that you’re mad?’
‘To begin with,’ said the Cat, ‘a dog’s not mad. You grant that?’
‘I suppose so,’ said Alice.
‘Well, then,’ the Cat went on, ‘you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.’

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Every time I go through Alice in Wonderland and the Cheshire Cat’s conversations and its famous grin, I discover a new meaning. Yet, thats not the point here. Let’s stick to madness! 🙂

My little role model in celebrating madness is the Cheshire cat of ‘The Alice In Wonderland’ fame. Living through the chaos in this mad world which seems to operate in no defined sense of logic, I honestly believe that a glint of madness is essential to survive through the day. Everyone has their own little crazy world where we celebrate insanity in a splendid fashion. Our own artificial paradises where we play the little escapist helps us address the everyday madness that we encounter in every form. Guess we all fancy our own private interpretations of madness, don’t we? Yet, we thrive on it, come terms with it and indulge in our share of it! 😉

Next time, when the everyday frenzy gripes your sanity, try this. Do a little jig, be stupid at least once a day, perk up the spirits in your own little odd way, shoo the tension in a little corner and celebrate life in your own private madness just like that wicked cat with a huge grin. As they say, when you have to walk in rain, you might as well dance.

Skeletons in The Cupboard..

This is one of those persistent echoes from one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I relished and indulged in grandeur. How do we deal with broken dreams, unrequited love, and breach of trust? How do we handle with that muted voice of the Maverick that lies with in us? We all have our own little skeletons in our cupboards from past. Everyone emerges different from similar experiences depending on how they chose to deal with them.

One of friends’ shared with me his perspective one day. Since I know he wouldn’t mind, am quoting him verbatim.. “Heard “Ekla chalo re?” All of us are individuals, responsible for the fruits and pitfalls of our individual actions. Ever since I was a young, I hardly remember a time when I didn’t suffer from crush pangs. Grew up like that, got ditched a couple of times, but picked up the remnants and carried on. Anyway, you never know who is trustworthy and who is not. I trust everyone and no one. Even if I get ditched, I’m not affected, and if I am not, I’ll have won over someone. Life doesn’t play safe. You’d either be endangered or as safe as in Fort Knox.“

Some choose to live in profound confusion and conflict quagmire, finding it hard to let go of past and some are able to pick up the pieces and move on savoring life moment by moment. Whatever that we choose to do and how would we deal with the skeletons in the cupboard in the end is our personal choice. It’s about being comfortable with our thoughts, value systems and ourselves. What’s life if it’s not spiced with joy, mirth, sorrows, complexities, love, fun and friends? We all have our own wars to fight, storms to rage, dreams to conquer and dragons to slay. Sometimes we may end up with terrible wounds, raw pain, and shattered dreams. I heard someone saying Pain is Gain. How true! Life is a learning process for sure. Hold on to that inner spirit and enjoy the ride.

Streamlining Life..

That’s the phrase that’s apt so far for my stay in Bangalore. Even as I am typing the title, it sounded awkward… Yet, this title is resonating in my mind since morning and I have to let it out! 🙂 Is that what’s happening with me? There are a lot of changes that happened in my life in the recent times.. So much has changed, yet as always, so little out of it has actually mattered.

I have had hectic travel, a tiring house hunt session, suffered a lot with pangs of relocation and loneliness, cursed fate, bid goodbyes to some close friends, fought with loved ones, experienced breach of trust in a big way and I couldn’t shield myself and my family from wasting emotions for some people who weren’t worth a dime.

On the positive note, I thought a lot on the utility of spine, marriage, trust, values, and all sorts of cosmic questions :-), did a lot of mental training and my part of lending an ear for a couple of friends, met a couple of online pals for the first time, shed laziness and became a regular to gym, enjoyed a couple of angel dreams and poems, rediscovered the solitary solitude of long walks (now am walking a minimum of 5 km every day, and no am not counting treadmill! :-)) and yes the best part now is home food and the aloo parathas, as they sound blissful after eight years of binging out! (Cooked by our cook of course, as my culinary skills are not that appetizing).

They say that life is the toughest teacher for it takes the test first and offers lessons later. Reflecting back, the biggest lesson in this past one month is that no one ever does anything uncharacteristic of what they are. Either they inherit those values or they don’t. It is sheer foolishness to offer trust and do an emotional commitment on spineless souls hoping they would change some day.

Soulmate Thoughts..

I have always loved Fairy tales. The Cinderella, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armour.. As I grew up, I resisted all those hard practicality knocks and held on to those dreams.. Somehow I always felt that there is this ideal soul mate made to order for me, who complements and completes me in the journey of love and life. Its tough at times to keep on hoping, not to melt those unspoken dreams at the test of times. Whenever I trade off those pieces of dreams for fragments of reality, it leaves a hollow in heart to accept that in life those little dreams may not take shape at all. That dream home can turn out to be a loveless cramped apartment, those peace filled surroundings are in actuality dull roads filled with roaring vehicles, that picture perfect world will end up as a portrait, and that ideal Mr. Right could turnout to be a frog..

Sometimes people can actually mess up and trample those treasure trove of yearnings and mock our dreams that we hold so dear. How I wish I can curse with all my might and force them to walk in my shoes to understand the hurt that they carelessly inflict. Sharing life, vision, dreams and memories with someone are like placing a hammer in the hands of people and begging them to hit us back. Yet we trust and hope with all fervor, suffer the wounds in private and face the world with renewed twinkle in eyes and rigor in action. Aren’t we amazing?

Yes just as Richard Kincaid says ”The old dreams were good dreams, they didn’t work out , but I am glad I had them”.

For now, its time for some reality bites! 🙂

“We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.”

-Richard Bach

When the glamour [of one’s marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only – . Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’. And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43

Reflections..

After a hectic travel to Hyderabad and after feeling totally exhausted, my fingers reached out automatically to record some reflections.. This weekend has been a tough one for me, yet being with family has always had a calming effect. I had my lessons on protocols, values, integrity and trust and I can’t even express how much my family has made me proud. 🙂 It always helps if we start counting blessings instead of curses and lessons instead of bad moments.

As per the saying goes, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you”, I guess my parents have lived up to that. Somehow I have taken for granted that transparency, fairness and integrity lies in all families, and people have little time to judge their family members in the journey of life. I had my wake up call.

Though emotions stand for little reason, its priorities and values that ask for brutal sacrifices. So the question is how much are you willing to sacrifice to be your own self? Thats what defines a person as he or she is.

As Bach says.. “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”

Revisiting Childhood!

My entire weekend can be termed under one phrase: “Sheer Bliss”! I spent the best part of my weekend at Kuppa Metta Kandriga, which is located at the Andhra Pradesh and Tamilnadu border, almost 14 kilometers away from a small village called Nagari. This trip is a impromptu one, and I went in as a willing companion to my mother who wanted to visit her childhood friends and relatives located over there.

We caught a bus (#201) at CMBT in Chennai to go to Nagari which is some 2 hours journey and then boarded an auto arranged by my uncle to go to his Farm House. Thankfully, there is a decent cement road laid to connect those remote areas.. My childhood impressions prepared me for horse carts and I am delighted to trade it for an Auto rickshaw. I still remember those insensitive days when the cart driver used pepper powder on the eyes of the horse to make it carry heavy load in 1990s. 😦 Already, there is nostalgia setting in my mind and I longed for an escape into the simplistic life of the villages!

Well, how to you feel if you land up in an isolated place where you see greenery everywhere and there isn’t a single man made concrete building around for miles? I got more than I bargained for. I got joy, contentment, elation, solitude and peace! This farmhouse is set in sugarcane plantations and is filled with sunlight, fresh air and space. Their house is surrounded by lavish opulence of dangling beauties like jasmines, cosmos, frangipanis, periwinkles and firecrackers (kanakambaram) basking in glorious sunshine only to be competed by those Mango, Coconut, Guava and Pomegranate trees offering ripe temptations.. I had innocent elation at discovering the livestock. There were cattle, and pet dogs. I had a dewy-eyed pleasure in feeding cattle, taking calves for walk, and playing with dogs.

The beauty of the place is enhanced by the sounds of silence: rustling of the trees, buzzing of the leaves, soft cooing of the birds and the faint tinging of the bells. I wandered like a spoilt child, discovering delight everywhere, uncared for the hot sun.. I just loved those ornate cement floors, archaic concrete bath tubs, that gushing pump set by the old well, and that black and white television at their home.. I loved the night even more. Ensconced in natural air conditioning, admiring the star-lit skies and the shimmering glow worms, all I could think of is ‘Contentment’. It kind of transported me back into childhood and I was fourteen again!

Vagabond in The Garden Of Destiny..

Thats how I look at myself. Somehow, I refuse to believe that our life is moulded in a predictable fashion to achieve a particular end. Life is what we make it to be. Destiny is not a stationary target. It changes along with time, along with every decision or choice that I make. We are the best judge of our miseries, actions or destinies.

Whenever we take a step, we see different paths laid out in front of us.. The path that we choose or the choices that we made creates the destiny for us. The whole idea of being destined to do something sounds quite romantic, isn’t it? It gives such a comfortable feeling to all the rationalizations that we do, like a chicken soup for soul! Probably when we walk the path and look back at the end of this life, we will only see the one we took and when we look ahead its just a dark world thats enveloping us in its madness.. Then, are we trying to rationalize our destiny as well?

well, for me.. I am comfortable in living in the moment, savoring the experience and loosing myself in my world!

Life is Lost in Race..

Guess its worth pondering on what are we loosing on in this rat race.. Misguided competition, materialistic pursuits, changing relationships, commonplace goals and diminishing values and rise of timeserver mentality.. All take lion’s share in the rise of noise in our lifestyles..

I often go back to those unadulterated childhood memories in a village where there is a lot of human touch in interactions. A great deal of value is placed in human concern, affection, and sharing, though everyone maintained their boundaries.. Well, here we are, in a border less world, yet we are lonely as ever. Driven by individualism, powered by the new age values of convenience and comfort, we are loosing out on the social interactions. Email, Call, Fax..Inundated by the communication channels, the interaction has become faceless, lacking warmth and touch.

Do we want better cell phones or improved human relations? Do we want increased life span or enhanced quality of life? Bigger homes or space in life? Irony of our times is that we have all the modern comforts at our service and lesser time to enjoy them. We stopped to pause, reflect and appreciate little joys of life and the meaning behind the obvious. As we get swamped and drowned by the new age ideals, the only solace lies in being aware of our actions.

Check these verses which are being circulated as forward.. Worth Contemplating..

THE PARADOX OF OUR TIMES

– Attributed to the Dalai Lama and to George Carlin

Is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but we have less
We have bigger houses, but smaller families
More conveniences, but less time
We have more degrees, but less sense
More knowledge, but less judgment
More experts, but more problems
More medicines, but less wellness

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often
We have learnt how to make a living, but not a life
We have added years to life, but not life to years
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back
But have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour
We have conquered outer space, but not inner space
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted our soul
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice
We’ve higher incomes, but lower morals
We’ve become long on quantity but short on quality

These are the times of tall men, and short character
Steep profits, and shallow relationships
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare
More leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorces
Of fancier houses, but broken homes
It is a time when there is much in the show window
And nothing in the stockroom

A time when technology can bring this letter to you
And a time when you can choose
Either to make a difference…. or just hit, delete.

If Tomorrow Never Comes…

I thought I would share my favorite song over here. I have loads of such songs, and this one steals the show for today!

This lyrics fascinate me as I sing them aloud in my heart.. They make me reflect on my priorities in life.. Though Ronan Keating refers to his sweetheart in this song, I would would say my love encompasses all those cherished people in life. Love forms the basis for all the relationships and I would count my blessings if those most precious people in my life accept me for what I am and know that I care for them.

Makes me wonder if I have been transparent in my feelings towards my loved ones, the most treasured people in my life : one who taught me that I could love someone so much: my sweet little Sister, my tower of strength: Mom, an eternal idealist: Dad, A life lived in values: my grand parents, and friends. Really, if tomorrow never comes, will they understand how much I loved or cared for them? Will they ever know how much of my life revolved around them, for their acceptance, love, care, concern and affection?

People ask me what’s important for me? Is it being a top notch, high flying executive someday or being there for my loved ones always? Throughout my life I am trying my best to strike that balance. Career is part of my life, my identity and my independence where as love is the basis on which my life runs. Guess the pride that my little sister has when she boasts that my sister will always pick my call no matter where she is, is of tantamount importance for me than some crucial corporate meeting any day. Coz, I believe in my capabilities of hunting a good job, but I am equally confident that I can never in my life time find a sweet, loving person like my sister. After all, family is family. Sounds like a cliche, yet I swear by it. The bond that ties us is not one of blood, but of respect and love. I respect, love, care, adore, dote them, and if God permits, I would love them more after my death as well!

I know this post has rather became a bit heavy.. Yet, I know that we hurt those whom we love most. In those moments of frustration and anger (which might have been caused by some dumb bloke in office who doesn’t matter in our life any way) we use them as our sounding boards, or misuse them to vent out our feelings. Next time, before you do such thing, pause, reflect and the judge the impact of your action. Tall Order, right? I know. I am still trying..

Thanks for being with me till now.. Enjoy the lyrics!

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Lyrics of “If Tomorrow Never Comes” By Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She’s lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

‘Cause I’ve lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there’s no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you’re thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Life Moves On An Assembly Line..

I am wondering about life in one of those contemplative moods, how our life passes through the predictable phases. Almost as if we go through an assembly line. From one pipe to another, from one phase to another considering each stage to be the most challenging one.. This is what I call Pipe Theory! 😉

Life goes on in stages, the teenage, getting a job, getting married, living like DINK (Double Income , No Kids), Children, Midlife Crisis, Old Age and so on!

When I look back into my past, guess my entire educational career fits into one pipe! each year is a fresh challenge.. To Win, to reach the top only to discover a new high! Now that the educational career is supposedly over, a new fight in the corporate world begins! If life retains a moment of semblance and if you find yourself settling down to the comfortable routine, thats when new priorities emerge. Find a guy, get married, build a home and warm your bones by the TV.. Well, thats the life on a high way line.. Coz, its the life that most of us understand as a comfortable and acceptable normal social pattern!

I’m sure everyone must have thought of diversions in those ‘Oh What the Heck!’ moments.. Yet we long for predictable comfort and social acceptance. Don’t we? We all have hope in hearts and a zeal to explore life. Although being the most irrational creatures on earth, we still plan, rationalize, reason it out and move on trying to capture our slice of life, by creating our own set of stories and adventures! Isn’t that chivalrous?!

Complexities of Unrequited Love..

That can sure cause quite a turmoil in the heart. My idea of love is still evolving, and probably it would enhance with passage of time as I learn from heart’s journeys. Yet, coursing through the experiences of life, entangled in the tales of love has made me appreciate the labyrinthine maneuvering of tortuous emotions.

Makes me wonder how the definitions of love change with time. At times, it could be courting, flirting or a simple companionship. It could be attraction, affection or an intrinsic need for completeness. Sounds quite like an convoluted journey, isn’t it?

Living through the tales of unrequited love made me wonder what creates that plethora of entangled emotions. Is that incompatible expectations, or unjustified emotions? Is it incongruous personalities or mismatched priorities? Whatever could be the real reason, they sure leave a trail of broken feelings, of bleeding hearts exposed for hurt…

Rise in love, fall in love, broken hearts and mended feelings.. Cliches really have a way of putting things in a poetic fashion! We may turn up cynical and may put in practical outlook, we may lock ourselves in shells with once bitten twice shy attitude, or go with the traditional flow. We may even lick those wounds in private and avow never to trust or place ourselves in vulnerable situations! Its interesting to go through the emotional roller coaster as we come out stronger, richer and wiser after the experience.

Love is enchanting experience and our entire life rolls in the process of discovering it. So what if a prospective partner doesn’t reciprocate your tender feelings? Caught in the spell of love is magical enough. Adoring expectantly, acting irrational, waiting upon for hours, getting all decked up, walking in the clouds, reading poetry together, getting bewitched by the expressive eyes, awaiting approval, spending hours on phones, those times of missed calls and long messages, small fights and big make ups, teasing from friends and crib sessions.. Don’t they form a treasured collection of cherished memories?

Live in the moment, savor the experience, sour higher in the depth of the emotions and learn to relish life in totality. Appreciate the experience for the heck of it! Imagine how boring life would be, if everything happens the way we wish it to be..There ain’t no charm in predictability! Requited or unrequited, there is a purpose hidden beneath.. Our soul goes deep like those dark ancient rivers as we wade through highs and lows of life. Well, I hear my dreamy self rambling again!

Can You Identify With This?

Again a forward! Yet Worth Pondering

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Being Twenty-Something

…Its really hard
They call it the “Quarter-Life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are any things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe, those friends that you thought were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean, or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job…and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person.

One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. GETTIN WASTED AND ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT STARTS TO LOOK PATHETIC. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, and the future and making a life for yourself…and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

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Grapewine and Politics

Two years into job and am all ready wondering about the mammoth importance that grape wine and politics has in an organization. Thinking aloud, I have seen a lot of organizational dynamics that goes in getting the job done. Here the term ‘politics’ strictly applies to the social relations involving positions of authority or power. There happens a huge struggle to keep that child alive with in a pseudo environment during which the excitement about the uncertain future turns into a dreading of the predictable rhythm.

There is little importance given to frank, outspoken attitude as a lot of work demands diplomacy and discretion. Well, that doesn’t stop the coffee vending machine talk though! To read about affinity groups during B Schools days is one thing, and to see them in action is a different issue altogether. Managing people and relationships in the organizational context becomes a tough rope walk as one had to strike that right balance between personal self and professional discretion.

A special mention goes to the pseudo power group though! The sad part of life is that you need to get the work done in time on short notice, especially true in case of support groups. And you end up with little recognition and appreciation as your direct mark or importance is felt only if you miss your job. Well, that leads to the unwanted power display from the support section. Job gets done in time only if you do aggressive follow up and have some key people who are comfortable with you as a person.

Well, we talk of software age, yet the feelings and expressions are passed on since stone age. That perfect organization and perfect job are never a reality as uncertainty in terms of the people factor hops in. We can only accommodate mindsets, we can’t really create them. So much as we dream about that idealistic professional environment for work, I really wonder if am going to like that so perfect place! Grapewine and politics are going to stay and it depends finally on us as to how we handle them.

All of My One Yr at Work!

Knock Knock.. “Sowmya Wake Up!!!”
Wondering I enquire in daze ” Who the Hell is this? ”
“Its me, remember those M&Bs and late night walks?”, inquires my forlorn, and abandoned self. “Oh dear- are u still alive?”- I ask in splendor.
Guess an year of corporatedom has taken my intelligence to all time low and I have ignored those inner rantings for so long that I didn’t expect a wave of nostalgia to hit me today!

Yeah, Am back to introspect, to blog and to connect with myself even if its only for a while! Its been so long since I turned mechanical.. staring into the screen as if am going to get a windfall, pretending to be Ms. Know All in the face of crisis, doing tap dance and tango in front of clients and muting those inner longings for tomorrow. I had so many wishes for tomorrow that it made me exhausted. I wanted a day to read that book, have that bicycle, own that garden, kiss my mamma, love my granny, be that wanton self and hold that hand!

I spent some time going through some interesting blogs and marveled at their ability to get connected to their inner souls. This whole week I spent VELA waiting for the tide to turn in my favor and my mood to get back to slog. At times I hate Microsoft for its MS Office! Word, or PPT all all alike!

Neither my parents visit last week or nor my great confirmation rating helped me to bring me back to normalcy. Now I know that if monotony is creeping in, its one of those warnings from the system to think something different. I had ignored them for long and that’s the cause for this long hibernation!

Lazy Reflections!

Looking back on my one year of work experience, am pleased to note that I am still intact except for a few bouts of boredom at times. There is quite a lot of things that I have noticed, realized and changed. The biggest realization is the value and the worth of building a network. In the corporate world, my success is not dependent on what I do but rather on how I take others along with me. That calls for being considerate for others, leading by example, having a ready smile and openmindedness.

After sharing experiences with friends, I have realized that having a good support and a good boss who lets you have your own way helps a long way in being yourself. I can use a little guidance on the way, and have noticed that I need to be proactive. Thanks to my boss and guide, who taught me to be on my own, I held my head high with enthusiasm and frankness. Honesty, Trust and Integrity are important as these values truly reflect on your interactions with others. I can sense the other person’s way of interaction, whether its business like, friendly or professional. I long for fair, informal and warm interactions in business environment as well.

We can take Business and professionalism to any level, yet we still remain humans. We are always impressed by the humanly qualities. I may doubt your success chances even if you have a great product, yet am willing to bet if you are passionate about what you are doing as that brings out your confidence, commitment and sincerity. Never loose that human touch or the feeling of appreciation about what you do. Always recognize the worth of people around you. Appreciate and cherish little details and stay beautiful. Welcome to a brand new year of excitement and challenge!

Why do I blog?

Interesting question, isn’t it? Its been an year and half since I have started blogging. I can see that I am totally hooked. I like the idea of expressing oneself for oneself. It gives me an immense satisfaction to key in my thoughts, ideas and expressions just for the sake of it and dump on all those reflections and musings on someone. Yes, also the fact that I spend the better part of my day in front of the system also helps.

Couldn’t resist myself from quoting from ‘You’ve Got Mail’ where Kathleen Kelly says [in an email to Joe Fox] “The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.” I really vouch by that! Sometimes, one need to vent out random expressions to cleanse the internal system. I blog as it feels as if am talking to myself. Giving words to those feelings or expressions can set you free. I can actually title some posts as notes to myself.

I like reading some of the blogs too. Often they are quite introspective and bring out the true side of the person. Quite idealistic the blogs are, aren’t they?

Click here for an interesting article on blogging, which I found in a blog.