Flavor Of The Season

8 04 2009

Well.. that’s the expression of the day! At least for me.. Somehow this phrase holds a special charm from my perspective today.  Has it ever happened to you that you chase a gazillion of dreams over a rolling rainbow for a specific period of time and space only to discard them as worthless stones when that moment of realization twinkles at the corner of the eye? Why is it that all the wishes are endless and all I want is to endup with a little bit of everything in life?

Now, coming to the flavor of the season: its pure work season these days! Yes, days have folded onto months and the definition of time seems to be phasing out of life.. Caught in a race against time, my days are filled in chasing the deadlines which oft fly out of window making me bask in the shimmering afterglow of satisfaction with a delightful chuckle. I am happy, content and have become seemingly immune to everything around me except work. Driven by deadlines.. That just sounds like my tagline these days!

Sometimes, I guess its just best to enjoy the flavor of the season and savor it till it lasts. For, during that weariest part of the day, that tiny weeny dreamer in me still longs for those deliciously gloden sunshine moments of life like idyllic musings, carefree conversations and that warming glow of pals and books. The time for roses would come, all in a moment!





Matters of Insignificance…

27 05 2008

My morning calm was perturbed by a really insignificant matter today. For those who know me only through this online medium, one of my queer little idiosyncrasies include punctuality. The time on my watch is always 10 minutes ahead, and on the top of it, I try to make it five minutes in advance to the Time I have in mind. So, if I plan for an 7:30 AM morning walk to office, negotiations are rarely allowed.

Most (almost all) of my mornings are heavily dosed with a random discipline of adherence to some schedule, which sounds logical only through retrospective justification. And so was today. My dependence on another person delayed my morning walk at 7:30 by 40 minutes which took me through a phase of disquiet and I ended up taking the cab instead. Just because there was a mismatch between what happened and what I had scheduled to happen, I was jolted out of my composure and couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the moment.

Learning to live in the beauty of the present seems like an eternal pursuit indeed.





Summing Up The First Quarter..

8 03 2008

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? 🙂 When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there 🙂 ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. 😉

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”




Sharing Some Sunshine..

13 12 2007

This is a beautiful song from Dahek with a lot of cheer… It felt so nice reading through the lyrics and singing along. Thought I would share it with you all! The video of this song can be found here.

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Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Phasale manjile har mod par hain nayi
Josh hain jab talak haarenge hum na kabhi
Mushkile aani jaani hain, beharon ko behane bhi do
Jamake phir barase har khushi, kaash yun bhi to ho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Kyon kare taaron ke girane ka hum intjaar
Sach hame karana hain apane sapne hajaar
Chaar pal ki hain jindagi, apane dil ki suno
Ji lo ji bharke aaj tum, phi ye pal ho na ho

Dhadkane gaye jo san gungunaye sama
Paao mein ho zameen sar pe rahe aasmaaan
Hosla kam ho na kabhi chahe jo halaat ho
Bekasi mein chupi hui nagmo ko pehchaan lo
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi

hmm hmm hmm….chalte raho
hmm hmm hmm….jalte raho

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Thanks for that sweet pal who discovers those songs of my mood with amazing ease.





Today..

26 11 2007

There is a curious longing for psychological shutdown.. Dunno why. Is this a mood of nothingness? Or a phase of psychosomatic illness? Must be a severe affect of Monday Blues.. Life sounds so evenly balanced now, with full of chaos everywhere! How I long for the warmth of my bed and a cozy nap!





In A Glass Paradise, I Shed..

15 11 2007

all those miseries that I have seen for the future through those unspoken tears rolling over my eyes..

What hurt me was not the indifference of the world but the misinterpretation of my pal. Or is it that I am afraid to face the truth? Why do I feel the need or urge to justify myself, or explain myself that I am not what they think. Yet, I gave up.. Silence is the best answer for all those judgments that are meted out and those expectations that are set on me.

Coz, still I don’t have an easy answer to the mystery called me. Yet, its nice to have people around to whom I can be as nasty when I want to and pass all my moody zingers whenever I like..

Dunno why, yet its nice to to feel that I can still cry. I guess its ok to cry even when there is no reason. Its okay to bare one’s heart for those little disappointments and soul shattering experiences in life. They make me feel more human, especially when am tired of playing the big girl. Thank you tears, for being there when it mattered most. Hear me out, oh Mr. Gloominess.. You can visit me anytime, but only for a moment. Only to show me how wonderful the blue sky or the rosy tinted glasses are.. So do remember when u drop by my door for a brief hello.

Everyone thinks I am at a tricky phase of life. When it isn’t so? Things would seem as dark or light as I want them to be. Nothing shatters a dream than a compromise. I believe, hope and pray everyday to not see the light of a day when I had to negotiate with my life. I guess its tough life being a dreamer. 🙂 Even in a glass paradise, my eyes seek the vision of limitless blue sky and a bright rainbow. I can’t really help myself. That eternal optimist survives!





Weekend Musings..

23 09 2007

The word for the weekend is Nostalgic! It is filled with recollecting memoirs and reliving memories from old letters, mails, chats and catching up on long pending reflections. I have had a pensive Saturday and a homely Sunday. This is my first weekend at Bangalore where I had time entirely for myself and guess this is much needed to flush some pensive musings. At times it is tough to enjoy the company that I keep when am alone. My mood closely rhymed with this expression.. ‘Looking back on the tears would always make us laugh, but little did I know that the moments we laughed together will make us cry one day!’