Flavor Of The Season

Well.. that’s the expression of the day! At least for me.. Somehow this phrase holds a special charm from my perspective today.  Has it ever happened to you that you chase a gazillion of dreams over a rolling rainbow for a specific period of time and space only to discard them as worthless stones when that moment of realization twinkles at the corner of the eye? Why is it that all the wishes are endless and all I want is to endup with a little bit of everything in life?

Now, coming to the flavor of the season: its pure work season these days! Yes, days have folded onto months and the definition of time seems to be phasing out of life.. Caught in a race against time, my days are filled in chasing the deadlines which oft fly out of window making me bask in the shimmering afterglow of satisfaction with a delightful chuckle. I am happy, content and have become seemingly immune to everything around me except work. Driven by deadlines.. That just sounds like my tagline these days!

Sometimes, I guess its just best to enjoy the flavor of the season and savor it till it lasts. For, during that weariest part of the day, that tiny weeny dreamer in me still longs for those deliciously gloden sunshine moments of life like idyllic musings, carefree conversations and that warming glow of pals and books. The time for roses would come, all in a moment!

Matters of Insignificance…

My morning calm was perturbed by a really insignificant matter today. For those who know me only through this online medium, one of my queer little idiosyncrasies include punctuality. The time on my watch is always 10 minutes ahead, and on the top of it, I try to make it five minutes in advance to the Time I have in mind. So, if I plan for an 7:30 AM morning walk to office, negotiations are rarely allowed.

Most (almost all) of my mornings are heavily dosed with a random discipline of adherence to some schedule, which sounds logical only through retrospective justification. And so was today. My dependence on another person delayed my morning walk at 7:30 by 40 minutes which took me through a phase of disquiet and I ended up taking the cab instead. Just because there was a mismatch between what happened and what I had scheduled to happen, I was jolted out of my composure and couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the moment.

Learning to live in the beauty of the present seems like an eternal pursuit indeed.

Summing Up The First Quarter..

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? 🙂 When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there 🙂 ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. 😉

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

Sharing Some Sunshine..

This is a beautiful song from Dahek with a lot of cheer… It felt so nice reading through the lyrics and singing along. Thought I would share it with you all! The video of this song can be found here.

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Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Phasale manjile har mod par hain nayi
Josh hain jab talak haarenge hum na kabhi
Mushkile aani jaani hain, beharon ko behane bhi do
Jamake phir barase har khushi, kaash yun bhi to ho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Kyon kare taaron ke girane ka hum intjaar
Sach hame karana hain apane sapne hajaar
Chaar pal ki hain jindagi, apane dil ki suno
Ji lo ji bharke aaj tum, phi ye pal ho na ho

Dhadkane gaye jo san gungunaye sama
Paao mein ho zameen sar pe rahe aasmaaan
Hosla kam ho na kabhi chahe jo halaat ho
Bekasi mein chupi hui nagmo ko pehchaan lo
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi

hmm hmm hmm….chalte raho
hmm hmm hmm….jalte raho

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Thanks for that sweet pal who discovers those songs of my mood with amazing ease.

Today..

There is a curious longing for psychological shutdown.. Dunno why. Is this a mood of nothingness? Or a phase of psychosomatic illness? Must be a severe affect of Monday Blues.. Life sounds so evenly balanced now, with full of chaos everywhere! How I long for the warmth of my bed and a cozy nap!

In A Glass Paradise, I Shed..

all those miseries that I have seen for the future through those unspoken tears rolling over my eyes..

What hurt me was not the indifference of the world but the misinterpretation of my pal. Or is it that I am afraid to face the truth? Why do I feel the need or urge to justify myself, or explain myself that I am not what they think. Yet, I gave up.. Silence is the best answer for all those judgments that are meted out and those expectations that are set on me.

Coz, still I don’t have an easy answer to the mystery called me. Yet, its nice to have people around to whom I can be as nasty when I want to and pass all my moody zingers whenever I like..

Dunno why, yet its nice to to feel that I can still cry. I guess its ok to cry even when there is no reason. Its okay to bare one’s heart for those little disappointments and soul shattering experiences in life. They make me feel more human, especially when am tired of playing the big girl. Thank you tears, for being there when it mattered most. Hear me out, oh Mr. Gloominess.. You can visit me anytime, but only for a moment. Only to show me how wonderful the blue sky or the rosy tinted glasses are.. So do remember when u drop by my door for a brief hello.

Everyone thinks I am at a tricky phase of life. When it isn’t so? Things would seem as dark or light as I want them to be. Nothing shatters a dream than a compromise. I believe, hope and pray everyday to not see the light of a day when I had to negotiate with my life. I guess its tough life being a dreamer. 🙂 Even in a glass paradise, my eyes seek the vision of limitless blue sky and a bright rainbow. I can’t really help myself. That eternal optimist survives!

Weekend Musings..

The word for the weekend is Nostalgic! It is filled with recollecting memoirs and reliving memories from old letters, mails, chats and catching up on long pending reflections. I have had a pensive Saturday and a homely Sunday. This is my first weekend at Bangalore where I had time entirely for myself and guess this is much needed to flush some pensive musings. At times it is tough to enjoy the company that I keep when am alone. My mood closely rhymed with this expression.. ‘Looking back on the tears would always make us laugh, but little did I know that the moments we laughed together will make us cry one day!’

Mood of The Moment..

Whenever I dream of my Mr. Right, there are certain songs that come closer to heart. I love the idea of a Mr. Right, someone who would always be my side when the world crackles down, on whom I can count on for honesty, fair play, generosity and kindness, who is pleasant natured, someone who can smile easily, judge rarely, help easily, is open minded, who couldn’t care less for reputation when character is questioned.. And the list goes on and on.. I wish I can dream him into my life. Here is a song thats dedicated to all those unshared dreams which may never see the light of the day!

I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

Sunshine People..

Have you noticed them? They are there everywhere.. They could be those receptionists with winsome smiles who can soothe your tiresome day with a pleasant attitude, those sensitive and sensible doctors who can assuage your qualms with gentle assurance, or even those warm strangers who would give detailed directions and may even walk along out of their way when you are lost in a strange city.

What makes them tick? Is it their infinite tolerance, or love towards humanity? Is it their trust in people or positive attitude?

Most of the times, we come across these lovely people.. Yet, seldom they are acknowledged, as most of us take them for granted.. This post is dedicated to all those sunshine people who made me smile by their generous big heart and cheerful nature..

Flashes Of Insanity..

How many of you have a problem of short temper? I know you may be cautious before you confess.. What’s wrong with short temper anyways? I have seen those muted silent types and those fiery volcanoes. And I trust fire.. At least you know whats going on in their head and some how I feel that sense follows after those expositions of insanity. Its the other way for those composed silent types. They park all those moments in their internal store room only to account for them ages later.

But watch out if you get drowned in your own rage of fire and become self centred in brooding.. Some feelings are so deep that one needs to look within in numbing solitude.

How many times have you smiled or managed a stony silence when all you wanted to do is scream and yell? In those moments of insanity, all I can do is blow up or walk away into a closed space till sanity dons its mantle again.. Why is it so that when you have said all that you wanted to say in anger, regret usually follows.. Why is that we take liberty only with our loved ones and slip on our zingers when we wanted to treasure them through our lives? Sheer Madness!

Vagabond in The Garden Of Destiny..

Thats how I look at myself. Somehow, I refuse to believe that our life is moulded in a predictable fashion to achieve a particular end. Life is what we make it to be. Destiny is not a stationary target. It changes along with time, along with every decision or choice that I make. We are the best judge of our miseries, actions or destinies.

Whenever we take a step, we see different paths laid out in front of us.. The path that we choose or the choices that we made creates the destiny for us. The whole idea of being destined to do something sounds quite romantic, isn’t it? It gives such a comfortable feeling to all the rationalizations that we do, like a chicken soup for soul! Probably when we walk the path and look back at the end of this life, we will only see the one we took and when we look ahead its just a dark world thats enveloping us in its madness.. Then, are we trying to rationalize our destiny as well?

well, for me.. I am comfortable in living in the moment, savoring the experience and loosing myself in my world!

Life is Lost in Race..

Guess its worth pondering on what are we loosing on in this rat race.. Misguided competition, materialistic pursuits, changing relationships, commonplace goals and diminishing values and rise of timeserver mentality.. All take lion’s share in the rise of noise in our lifestyles..

I often go back to those unadulterated childhood memories in a village where there is a lot of human touch in interactions. A great deal of value is placed in human concern, affection, and sharing, though everyone maintained their boundaries.. Well, here we are, in a border less world, yet we are lonely as ever. Driven by individualism, powered by the new age values of convenience and comfort, we are loosing out on the social interactions. Email, Call, Fax..Inundated by the communication channels, the interaction has become faceless, lacking warmth and touch.

Do we want better cell phones or improved human relations? Do we want increased life span or enhanced quality of life? Bigger homes or space in life? Irony of our times is that we have all the modern comforts at our service and lesser time to enjoy them. We stopped to pause, reflect and appreciate little joys of life and the meaning behind the obvious. As we get swamped and drowned by the new age ideals, the only solace lies in being aware of our actions.

Check these verses which are being circulated as forward.. Worth Contemplating..

THE PARADOX OF OUR TIMES

– Attributed to the Dalai Lama and to George Carlin

Is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but we have less
We have bigger houses, but smaller families
More conveniences, but less time
We have more degrees, but less sense
More knowledge, but less judgment
More experts, but more problems
More medicines, but less wellness

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often
We have learnt how to make a living, but not a life
We have added years to life, but not life to years
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back
But have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour
We have conquered outer space, but not inner space
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted our soul
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice
We’ve higher incomes, but lower morals
We’ve become long on quantity but short on quality

These are the times of tall men, and short character
Steep profits, and shallow relationships
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare
More leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorces
Of fancier houses, but broken homes
It is a time when there is much in the show window
And nothing in the stockroom

A time when technology can bring this letter to you
And a time when you can choose
Either to make a difference…. or just hit, delete.

If Tomorrow Never Comes…

I thought I would share my favorite song over here. I have loads of such songs, and this one steals the show for today!

This lyrics fascinate me as I sing them aloud in my heart.. They make me reflect on my priorities in life.. Though Ronan Keating refers to his sweetheart in this song, I would would say my love encompasses all those cherished people in life. Love forms the basis for all the relationships and I would count my blessings if those most precious people in my life accept me for what I am and know that I care for them.

Makes me wonder if I have been transparent in my feelings towards my loved ones, the most treasured people in my life : one who taught me that I could love someone so much: my sweet little Sister, my tower of strength: Mom, an eternal idealist: Dad, A life lived in values: my grand parents, and friends. Really, if tomorrow never comes, will they understand how much I loved or cared for them? Will they ever know how much of my life revolved around them, for their acceptance, love, care, concern and affection?

People ask me what’s important for me? Is it being a top notch, high flying executive someday or being there for my loved ones always? Throughout my life I am trying my best to strike that balance. Career is part of my life, my identity and my independence where as love is the basis on which my life runs. Guess the pride that my little sister has when she boasts that my sister will always pick my call no matter where she is, is of tantamount importance for me than some crucial corporate meeting any day. Coz, I believe in my capabilities of hunting a good job, but I am equally confident that I can never in my life time find a sweet, loving person like my sister. After all, family is family. Sounds like a cliche, yet I swear by it. The bond that ties us is not one of blood, but of respect and love. I respect, love, care, adore, dote them, and if God permits, I would love them more after my death as well!

I know this post has rather became a bit heavy.. Yet, I know that we hurt those whom we love most. In those moments of frustration and anger (which might have been caused by some dumb bloke in office who doesn’t matter in our life any way) we use them as our sounding boards, or misuse them to vent out our feelings. Next time, before you do such thing, pause, reflect and the judge the impact of your action. Tall Order, right? I know. I am still trying..

Thanks for being with me till now.. Enjoy the lyrics!

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Lyrics of “If Tomorrow Never Comes” By Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She’s lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

‘Cause I’ve lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there’s no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you’re thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

My First Collage!

Today I submitted my first collage for the TCS library week competition and I’m quite satiated. The feeling of participation can do wonders, isn’t it? This week is kind of dull for me and I was wondering how on to spend it. This collage competition came as a blessing in disguise. What got me engaged is the thought process and concentration which goes in making a collage. I even participated in crossword and matchup (albeit with a great deal of help from pals and google!). Well, it sure leaves a feel good sensation.

Apart from the Collage, I also participated in Crossword, Matchup and Book Review. I ended up winning a prize in Crossword by fluke!

Laryngitis!!

Recently I got affected by Laryngitis.. What a typical name! I cant even pronounce that properly. Well, let me tell you that it feels awful. You can’t even hear your voice. Well, I admit that it got its own beauty! I kept my mouth shut for three days and it ain’t that bad. 🙂

I don’t wish for that to happen again either! Its a tricky infection. It gave me a feeling of weakness, cough, feverish sensation and cold. Yet I could do my daily chores. Sore throat, yet but it didn’t stop me from going on a long drive and taking a long walk.. Only that it got worse.

My voice changed in myriad ways. I could never understand the feeling of despair that a sickness causes in heart. A longing for care and fuss, and for the presence of loved ones creeps in mind. I got bored of coughing though, and I longed to drink something hot always. I think this is the only time when I had coffee and tea combo. I went to doctor twice, only to reconfirm my feeling that I really don’t like hospitals! Finally I got cured miraculously soon. Its nice to be able to talk and eat ice creams!