Summing Up The First Quarter..

8 03 2008

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? 🙂 When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there 🙂 ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. 😉

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”




I Got My Rainbow..

22 09 2007

I have shouted this over phone and my friend couldn’t stop giggling.. Sounds a little quirky, isn’t it? Well, who can get a rainbow of their own, by the way? There is a little story behind it. I was trying to change the header of my blog on Saturday. (Oh yeah, I had a lot of time to kill 😉 ) The earlier one has little kids soaking up rain with little umbrellas and now I wanted a new look..

After doing a little hunt, I hit upon the current picture. It looked a little plain and I wanted to add a splash of a rainbow. So here a little confession follows.. I have always loved rainbow ever since I discovered its beauty in wilderness as a little kid. Such splash of myriad hues each conveying a different warmth in the huge expanse of sky filled my eyes in wonder.. They is such a rare joy in capturing one that I conjured this belief that it appeared when God smiled to his heart’s content. In fact one of my nicks is Iris.

I went all around the Web to steal a rainbow for this pic. As I didn’t have Photoshop, I worked on MS PowerPoint 2007, and tweaked the picture edit tools to soften the edges of a rainbow and grouped it with the other image. And when it worked and my header is glowing in all splendor is when I yelled, hey I got my rainbow, following it up with a hearty giggle in a dash of madness! Am glad that I had a friend to share it over the phone.. Happiness looks so small when I hold it in my heart, it’s when I share it that I realize its breadth.. I thought I would record that little touch of joy and that Eureka moment @ demand of that pal who shared my fun.





Relishing Life!

16 06 2007

The exhortation of the dawn is so pleasant.. The day breaks slowly to welcome sunshine and rain warmth and hope in all brightness. Early mornings are so friendly and cheerful, espicially when the wind carries the invigorating fragrance of fresh coffee, evocating primulas, coral jasmines and the blending of soothing music if I managed to switch the player on. I love to stand in that little corner of my balcony trying to imbibe the freshness of the moment. Soon my heart longs for that cuppa and a dose of ET, so I saunter to pick the newspaper and the milk. Sipping the piping hot tea while indulging in the regular news and dreamy melodies really helps me warm up for the rhythm of the day. Guess thats what relishing life means to me on a perfect morning!





Moments of Quiet Laughter..

4 06 2007

Well, on an impulsive moment (guess must be some divine insight!), my dad has decided that I need a makeover! He picked up a comb and went into business!

I thought that’s an incredibly sweet moment,
Especially when my dad is at his creative best, concocting some utterly comic coiffures..
Especially when mom is trying to be politely encouraging when all she wanted to do is roll in gales of laughter,
Especially when I was confused in deciding the expression: do I laugh at the outcome or be indignant that my hairstyle is commented upon..
Especially when the mirror is reflecting this affectionate domestic scenery where two people are dying in quiet laughter watching the touching concentration and crinkled expression on the face of my dad!





Beauty of Well Worded Thoughts!

28 04 2007

Talking of those days when I am down and I have shut myself from the world, of those days when I cried in private and put a brave mask to the world, of those days when I lose myself in a book unwilling to face the day.. I have lived the life of an escapist at times! There are times when I felt so uncomfortable to acknowledge or accept that part of me, especially when I retracted into a rugged shell to play the recluse quarantined in my own comfortable solitude. I am breaking from the mould, as I have learned to be patient and accepting of myself, of my choices and actions.

Life’s choices are based on our reactions at that moment. Probably reflecting back, I can always say that I could have handled the moment in a better fashion. Past is always easy to judge, as its comprehended. Yet, things doesn’t look so black and white when one goes through the rigmarole! A friend of mine has beautifully worded my reaction as ‘survival instinct’. It truly made me pause and wonder. What a pertinent phrase to rationalize my actions! The power that well worded observation had on me is beyond expression. It feels as if a new insight dawned on me and I looked through things in a different light! Such is the power of the right words! Well, that doesn’t mean that I hunt for harmonious thoughts to justify my feelings.. 🙂 Infact, this post is dedicated to the beauty of expression and also to that sweet friend who made my day!





Frozen Dreams!

26 04 2007

Kudos to Paul Laurence Dunbar, for he says

“What dreams we have and how they fly
Like rosy clouds across the sky;
Of wealth, of fame, of sure success,
Of love that comes to cheer and bless;
And how they whither, how they fade,
The waning wealth, the jilting jade —
The fame that for a moment gleams,
Then flies forever, — dreams, ah — dreams!”

Life for some is living a dream, and for some, its outliving them! There is always a time, a space when I am my idealistic best and strive for what I dream.

Yet, alas.. I wake up to greet every rising sun with a realistic gleam expecting a predictable rhythm.. Masquerading as a practical, rational entity!

I only have to look in myself to find those frozen dreams inside.. Hanging suspended in the isolated vacuum of my demented mind.. Yet, I hold fast to the dreams, for life is a barren desert if not for them!

One changes with time and dreams change too. As I grow with life’s experiences, my definitions change. Reflecting upon, I realize a new tone of tolerance in life, and a fresh perspective to things. And I retire to every dusk for a new set of dreams..





Stifled Expressions!

20 04 2007

She stared at me from the mirror. She has this peculiar oblong face, with sharp eyes and a small mouth. It has pleasant features, and she looks feminine and gentle with a lock of her shiny black hair falling over her cheek. Not girly though! She looks every inch an independent woman full of poise and grace, albeit trapped in her mistaken priorities. And those large sharp eyes! Is that a sharp determination that I see? Or is it a raw confidence or defiance?

As I mused over the woman in the mirror, all those age old stifled emotions seem to spring from shadows. Several questions pounced in my mind, trying to account me for her lost dreams, raging feelings, swirling emotions and confounded sanity. Is She real? Is She true? Why her vacant stare pierces my heart?

Haunted by those expressions of silence, I am lost in the depths of her eyes!