Summing Up The First Quarter..

8 03 2008

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? πŸ™‚ When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there πŸ™‚ ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. πŸ˜‰

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”




Ragi Gudda Temple..

3 03 2008

This temple is one of my favorites in Bangalore. Its truly a no brainer to guess why though. A little temple on hill surrounded by loads of Gods, Ample space, limited crowd, well planned design and peaceful environment. What more can I ask for? I loved the beauty of those bougainvillea arcades that envelop the devotees on their way to God. For those fashioning a little trek, a small route is paved on the rocky terrain to climb atop. But that wouldn’t allow you a direct entry to the temple, unless the door is open or the Pujari takes mercy on your knocking, of course. πŸ™‚

Ragi Gudda Temple

There is this little anecdote thats oft told in my household. For an innocuous inquiry about – “Grandma why are all these temples located on hills? Why do Gods make us climb so much? – earned me an answer – “Earlier all the temples were located on same plane little one. But as mankind grew, they sinned a lot and the land in which they lived has fallen down due to the burden of their sins. Hence we feel Gods are located on hills.” That sounded a reason good enough at those carefree times.

Sometimes, the little effort that we put into and the huge bang that we make about visiting temples can make me dazed. For those who care to follow, I can recount at least 20 instructions on the top of my head. Take Tirupati for instance. Many families that I know have this temple in their travel agenda, even when its not easy to climb up the seven hills on foot route. Guess pain is gain at those times. Guess the effort that we expend nurtures peace in a way. Guess these are those little practices in our religion that teaches restraint in a way.





Amazon Woman…

3 02 2008

They are a part of my childhood and they are a part of my fantasy. All I remember about her is that she is amazing!

I hate, love, despise and worship this little fantasy idol of mine, especially when I measure myself up to her standards. There are many times, when I feel like giving up and then she flashes in my mind. How many times I must have yelled in head, ‘I hate you lady’.

The mere idea of the Amazon Woman and her sense of femininity intrigues me to no end. Not that I followed her evolution history or the wonder woman classics. May be its just that I would have created a mental image of strength, conviction, dedication and grit and given her name to that illusion.

Guess we all fill our lives with those role models which set up a benchmark in our lives to live up to. We can even surpass our peers or compete with people but how can we ever live up to our fantasies?

Yet, this Utopian zeal to excel is what keeps a keen sense of purpose alive. And that little tug at heart when we fail is what makes us human. After all its not the end that matters but the journey. What say pals?





In A Glass Paradise, I Shed..

15 11 2007

all those miseries that I have seen for the future through those unspoken tears rolling over my eyes..

What hurt me was not the indifference of the world but the misinterpretation of my pal. Or is it that I am afraid to face the truth? Why do I feel the need or urge to justify myself, or explain myself that I am not what they think. Yet, I gave up.. Silence is the best answer for all those judgments that are meted out and those expectations that are set on me.

Coz, still I don’t have an easy answer to the mystery called me. Yet, its nice to have people around to whom I can be as nasty when I want to and pass all my moody zingers whenever I like..

Dunno why, yet its nice to to feel that I can still cry. I guess its ok to cry even when there is no reason. Its okay to bare one’s heart for those little disappointments and soul shattering experiences in life. They make me feel more human, especially when am tired of playing the big girl. Thank you tears, for being there when it mattered most. Hear me out, oh Mr. Gloominess.. You can visit me anytime, but only for a moment. Only to show me how wonderful the blue sky or the rosy tinted glasses are.. So do remember when u drop by my door for a brief hello.

Everyone thinks I am at a tricky phase of life. When it isn’t so? Things would seem as dark or light as I want them to be. Nothing shatters a dream than a compromise. I believe, hope and pray everyday to not see the light of a day when I had to negotiate with my life. I guess its tough life being a dreamer. πŸ™‚ Even in a glass paradise, my eyes seek the vision of limitless blue sky and a bright rainbow. I can’t really help myself. That eternal optimist survives!





Dream Merchant Strikes..

15 10 2007

Though a piece of fiction, this is a beautiful composition so I thought I would share it. I fell in love with it when I read it over a mail. I am not sure of the author to acknowledge (as I guess both these poems are written by different people and are connected by someone), yet kudos to him as he laces words beautifully to create a fairytale. Now don’t you dare wonder whats with me and horse riding metal guys! I just happen to like that idea! πŸ™‚

****************

She dreams of her knight and longs for companionship. As her thought shapes into an expression, the words sway like this.

“In this world full of hurt and pain,
I need someone who would help me through the rain.
To comfort me when Im sad,
Doing everything just to make me glad.

In this world I need a Brave Knight,
Who would never give up any fight.
A knight who would dry away my tears,
Telling me to overcome my fears.

A knight who loves me for who I am inside,
With him there’s nothing more I need to hide.
A person who will still be standing strong,
Even though everything has gone wrong.

I need someone who is willing to give me more,
Someone I can call my Knight In Shining Armor”

And the Knight muses on and fills all his love to pen his promises which flow this way..

“Love is a many splendored thing, they say,
And I believed it when you looked my way,
Out of the blue, things seemed to happen
By chance or destiny, is the question.

Living my life so long, without knowing your existence,
Then came a day we felt each others presence,
Guess what’s meant to be will always find a way,
Love creeps into hearts and decides to stay.

A love so exquisite, yet so intricate,
In a world of only “you and I”
A love we can’t even demonstrate,
A secret we have to keep for life.

I love you, honey, and it’s from the bottom of my heart,
I would wait for the day when you say “I Love you” back,
You make me fly without wings,
You make my heart wants to sing.

Every moment I spent with you,
Is every one of my dreams coming true,
More than words, I want to show you how I feel,
Someday, some place, sometime, I will.

Love is a journey for two,
Step by step, me and you,
The future we can’t see,
Let love lead the way for you and me.”

Their dreams connected and as the fate choose to unite them under the blessings of heaven. And then they lived happily ever after.

*****************************************

Note: Now you may wonder why its titled Dream Merchant? The story rings so good and runs like a dream, yet I want to be connected with the reality that not all verses are true and not all stories end up with happy endings. There are times when life plays the dream merchant, be braced for that. There is a thin line between truth and fantasy. How much ever we wish we want our wildest dream to be true, life will have different plans.. The best way to brave it is to greet the situation with a big smile and savor moment by moment with no expectations. Tough call indeed! I wish u all the best!





Knight In Shining Armor..

29 09 2007

Most of us want to get in touch with our emotional roots at some point of time, hope for that idealistic unconditional acceptance and love, would love to discover beauty, passion, love and joy over the expanse of life or are in search of the fairy tale romance and must have inevitably encountered one of those hard hitting setbacks. There must be times when we wished to loose the ability to feel, and prayed to turn to a stone that can’t hope, believe, cherish and love. Yet, we endure and sustain all those beautiful and sensitive feelings even while bleeding on the edge of practicality.

Can you guess why? There lives a dreamer in everyone, concealed in a flimsy cloak of sheer rational pragmatism. He lives on, standing tall during the test of times, saving himself from those calls of maturity which rely on martyrdom, working around his way when we are busy donning our own concocted masks to brace reality. I call him my knight in shining armor as he connects me to those fairy tale dreams and keeps my angels alive. Acknowledge his existence and he will add that much needed twinkle to life with hope and love.

(Photo Courtesy: http://www.sandboxstrat.com/2W_Blog_Knight.jpg )





Life Moves On An Assembly Line..

2 05 2007

I am wondering about life in one of those contemplative moods, how our life passes through the predictable phases. Almost as if we go through an assembly line. From one pipe to another, from one phase to another considering each stage to be the most challenging one.. This is what I call Pipe Theory! πŸ˜‰

Life goes on in stages, the teenage, getting a job, getting married, living like DINK (Double Income , No Kids), Children, Midlife Crisis, Old Age and so on!

When I look back into my past, guess my entire educational career fits into one pipe! each year is a fresh challenge.. To Win, to reach the top only to discover a new high! Now that the educational career is supposedly over, a new fight in the corporate world begins! If life retains a moment of semblance and if you find yourself settling down to the comfortable routine, thats when new priorities emerge. Find a guy, get married, build a home and warm your bones by the TV.. Well, thats the life on a high way line.. Coz, its the life that most of us understand as a comfortable and acceptable normal social pattern!

I’m sure everyone must have thought of diversions in those ‘Oh What the Heck!’ moments.. Yet we long for predictable comfort and social acceptance. Don’t we? We all have hope in hearts and a zeal to explore life. Although being the most irrational creatures on earth, we still plan, rationalize, reason it out and move on trying to capture our slice of life, by creating our own set of stories and adventures! Isn’t that chivalrous?!