Definition Of Love

I know it might sound a little strange, yet am compelled by this innate curiosity to understand what people define as love. Our lives run like a poetry of love, for its in love that we grow, evolve and rise up to our potential of what we are and what can we be. My definition and understanding of love has changed over years, and though how much ever I love to give an expression to that emotion, silence always beats me by a great margin.

What do we promise when we say ‘I Love You’? Are we creating an obligation for others to live up to or a promise for me to honor? Or it simply a heartfelt expression of intense emotion? Am left oft confused. All those happily in love, indifferent from its charms and those engaged in pursuit, do pitch in for I would love to hear what you want to say in this.

Now don’t wonder about the context of this question. I am just a plain Jane who having lived through a quarter century, is desparately trying to get her basics right. Probably, all I want deep down in my heart, is to be loved just a little more.

Caught In the Swirl Of Stardust!

I never thought I would actually dedicate a thought to this movie ‘Saawariya’, on which I am still undecided on my reaction. I don’t think I would ever be able to take a stand on whether I loved the movie or hated it. That’s because I shared both these feelings in equal measure. Saawariya is a beautiful vision without imagination, a splendid fare of visual poetry without gravity, a charming seductress without soul and is filled with delusional love that is evoked by the lackluster admixture of scintillating idealistic dreamworld with the brazen harshness of reality. Yet, what remains with me at the end of the movie are those poignant and oddly affecting richly detailed visuals. Hence this post is filled with them.

When I look back, what often resonates with real life for me is the storyline though. Set in a dreamland (does any of those settings look anywhere near reality? ), the movie paints in richer intricacy, the pining of Sakina for the mystery love of her life Imaan, ignoring the starry eyed devotion she receives from Raj aka Saawariya. Sakina is cloyingly sweet, achingly hollow and an innocent manipulator who plays with the tender feelings of the eternally optimistic Raj while allowing him to cling to the delusion of her love. I couldn’t credit her with one identity for she plays the hopeless romantic perfectly pining for her illusionary love at first sight, whilst transforming herself as a coy temptress in the presence of Raj bewitching him with her innocent yearning for the love unattained.

Fused identities, conflicting ideologies, stark contrasts between the imagined universe and the dark reality, and the never ending fight between idealistic yearning and realistic possibilities: these are the Saawariya movie’s recurrent themes. Yet, though this movie feels like a piece out of a dream sequence, some of those characters feel so darkly real. Engulfed in perplexity, I notice so many Sakinas’ in reality much to my discomfort. People bartering dreams for materialistic pleasures are one extreme, whilst those trading realistic positive encounters of finding selfless love for the lure of illusionary and obsessive yearnings is another extreme.

Sometimes when I chat with my peers, I can often imagine them trapped in their own multi dimentional wonderland awaiting for their Perfect Soulmates. Princesses and Damsels in distress living in fairytale world, yearning for their Prince Charming to ride to their rescue and sweep them off their feet, often failing to acknowledge that life is happening around them. Sometimes its so difficult to identify which group they belong to: people who are in love or people who are in love with the idea of being in love. Sometimes the bubble of illusion, that they comfortably ensconce themselves in, wouldn’t equip them for the real life experiences.

Whenever we swap ideas on the things that are meaningful to us in life, we realize that we are goaded either by instinct or intellect. Life is all about tough choices and we all choose based on our own value systems. I just hope that the fairy tale romantic notions doesn’t spoil people at their chances of serendipity. The lure of nihilism is a dark temptation that envelops us if we dwell in dreams and forget to live. The wait may be on, yet, lets not forget that no one is perfect: me, you, and all those prince charmings and the knights in shimmering armour are armed with our own limitations and idiosyncrasies. We might as well be better of rescuing ourselves from those clout of dreams and the deep schism that the intersection of these virtual and real worlds present.

I can only seal this piece of muse by quoting from my favorite song from Pardon Dolly:

““Watching the girl I’m reminded
she’s quite a lot like me
Trapped in the suburbs of wonderland,
lost in her own fantasy
Somehow my heart never grew up,
no one ever burst my balloon
So here I am swirling in star dust
slow dancing with the moon”

Love Hath Neither Limit Nor Reason…

For love lies in that irrational tear that swells in your eye in those moments of goodbye even when mind acknowledges that she is never far in those lingering thoughts, or gentle phone calls. That’s the feeling that lingers in mind after some great moments of companionship with my little sis in Bangalore. And thats the reason for these ten days of hiatus from virtual world too, for being with her rarely leaves me with brooding moments. Now that she has left to home town, and I have to grapple with this aching hollow in my heart, I can’t help but muse on those mundane days that I spent with her which are turned into wonderful moments by her sheer presence. She is my partner in crime in those silly adventures, a perfect companion in silence when the mood calls for soothing numbness, a quiet bolster in raw moments of pain, a dearest pal and confidante for sharing those secrets and introspections, and the best gift that God has offered me in life.

As I have seen her grow from that little bundle of joy in my arms to a smart and mature lady, I can only cherish all those tender moments of the fierce relationship that we share. Probably the beauty of this lies in that tacit acceptance of one as oneself in each other’s company, or that sheer intensity of that love and affection that springs from an eternal bond that unites us in rain and shine, or that quiet companionship and gentle bliss that envelops one in that secured cloak of love, and respect. I may not figure in those lists of greatest sisters of the world, for my sins are many, right from being absent in those moments when she wished my presence to missing her birthday due to a hailstorm of work, yet if there is one thing that I have to site as one perfect truth of my life, it’s that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Whatever heights she may conquer, she would still remain that little sweet kiddo who creates that warm glow at heart with her cheerful presence.

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Somehow, whenever I think of her, CR’s this post plays in mind. After hunting this poem umpteen times in her blog, I am posting it here to cherish it a little more.

You’re older now
And no more the kid that I call you,
In many ways, more mature than I could ever be
Perhaps it’s the way of life
That an elder sibling be so lost and awestruck
With the hustle and bustle around
That she needs that smarter kid
Tugging her along and protecting her
From the surprises on the road ahead.

I smile when people point you out to me
And admit that they thought you were older
For the simple reason, you have always seemed so dignified and in control,
Little did they see the little hellion and scamp
That I saw while growing up,
The little one always so in scrapes
And yet, one who would rush to my rescue

Trying to pry me away from books to introduce me to the world,
I know that now you too belong among us bibliophiles,
And as I have changed you,
You have changed my nature,
Taught me independence and confidence when the stakes are down
That little strut that adds to the image
Keeping my head high even when the dice is rolling

You have taught me to love and forgive
And perhaps, most important of all,
You have taught me humility,
For one year is all that parts us,
And yet, you are so much the wiser
That I still have so much to learn

But now, more than ever
I want to weave a cocoon around you
And hold you close and keep you safe,
But that would only hamper your flight
And I know I must step back
And watch and learn as you take your steps
And leave your mark on all around,
I love you, kiddo
And have a safe flight this year!!!

The Kite Runner…

“Now there is a way to be good again…

For you, a thousand times over.. “

And so those words sang in my head when I spent my time with Amir, Hassan, Baba and Sohrab. It been some time after ‘Gone With The Wind’ since a book has deeply stirred my emotions and swirled tears in my eyes.

‘The Kite Runner’ is in a way, a celebration of human spirit and life in all its totality. Filled with human vices and touching emotions like love, sacrifice, selfishness, envy, rivalry, guilt, loyalty, betrayal, cowardice, love-hate relationships, lies and redemption, this little work of fiction feels so much human in its element that it strikes a chord and leaves lasting impressions.

This book is about two brothers Amir and Hassan, who share a unbreakable binding vine of kinship and love despite their ethnic, social and religious differences, being reared by a father who loved them differently. Though the story is narrated by Amir in first person, its that idealistic sacrificial and loyal love that Hassan showers over Amir that tenderly tugged my heart. While wadding through Amir’s guilt and his escapist choices, somehow my bitterness and hatred towards Amir effaced into thin air towards the end of book, as he tries to live up to Hassan’s love and atones for his sins. I was enraged at Amir for his betrayal of Hassan, yet I couldn’t stop myself from forgiving him when he redeems himself from his fallacies by running for Sohrab’s kite. Made me wonder, if deeply moving love can make one raise up to its worth. Is that cosmic justice, or is it the flow of life? Aptly titled, this inherently beautiful tome left me aching for more and I am sure I would treasure this forever in my private collection.

Here are some Phrases/Quotes from the book that I enjoyed…

““… I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering it things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”

“She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you,’ and I said, ‘Hush up, now. Enough of this silliness.'”

“Because when spring comes it melts the snow one flake at a time, and maybe I just witnessed the first flake melting”

“”He knew I’d betrayed him and yet he was rescuing me once again, maybe for the last time. I loved him in that moment, loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone…”

“”I actually aspired to cowardice, because the alternative, the real reason I was running, was that Assef was right: Nothing was free in this world. Maybe Hassan was the price I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay, to win Baba. Was it a fair price? The answer floated to my conscious mind before I could thwart: He was just a Hazara, wasn’t he?”

There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft… When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. ”

“I thought about Hassan’s dream, the one about us swimming in the lake. There is no monster, he’d said, just water. Except he’d been wrong about that. There was a monster in the lake. It had grabbed Hassan by the ankles, dragged him to the murky bottom. I was that monster.”

“A boy who won’t stand up for himself becomes a man who can’t stand up to anything.”

“I throw my makeshift jai-namaz, my prayer rug, on the floor and I get on my knees, lower my forehead to the ground, my tears soaking through the sheet. I bow to the west. Then I remember I haven’t prayed for over fifteen years. I have long forgotten the words. But it doesn’t matter, I will utter those few words I still remember: La illaha il Allah, Muhammad u rasul ullah. There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger. I see now that Baba was wrong, there is a God, there always had been. I see Him here, in the eyes of the people in this corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him, not the white masjid with its bright diamond lights and towering minarets. There is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need, I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is. I bow to the west and kiss the ground and promise that I will do zakat, I will do namaz, I will fast during Ramadan and when Ramadan has passed I will go on fasting, I will commit to memory every last word of His holy book, and I will set on a pilgrimage to that sweltering city in the desert and bow before the Ka’bah too. I will do all of this and I will think of Him every day from this day on if He only grants me this one wish: My hands are stained with Hassan’s blood; I pray God doesn’t let them get stained with the blood of his boy too.”

A Testimonial Of Love…

Sometimes I wonder that’s what love in life is. Love and its longing weaves a lilting yearning in my life that I seldom pause to wonder at the magic of love that I subconsciously indulge in. Love that’s giving, love that can make a prophet, martyr or a seer out of a self centered person. Yet, at times I cant help but ponder if love is selfish. When those really close loved ones ask for a testimonial of love. I feel like saying that love is not a piece of cake where each may lay their claim. Yet, its that obligation of relationship that makes me play along. Especially when I really believe in the strength of their affection. Something in that mental makeup of mine votes for that obligation that springs from love over privatism(or the joy that results from celebtrating my individuality). May be, its true. We all change for the ones we love. 

True to my stars, I can seldom differentiate between love and friendship, as I think one feeds on another. Sometimes, I tilt much towards the latter, as it taught me how to give without expectations and about being there in times of need. Yet, if I have to sum life in a few words, its always family, friends and a chance of self-expression.

A Take On Beauty..

This post is dedicated to Anita Roddick for she led my personal favorite campaign on Self Esteem called ‘The Ruby Campaign’. Ruby was a realistically and generously proportioned doll that tried to mock the all so perfect Barbie which hammered the young girl generation in to getting into that perfect shape at any cost and there by falling prey to eating disorders, bulimia etc. Being a part of the very cosmetics industry, Anita champions an ethical revolution by quoting, “It makes me angry, not only because it is a male-dominated industry built on creating needs that don’t exist, but because it seems to have decided that it needs to make women unhappy about their appearances. It plays on self-doubt and insecurity about image and ageing by projecting impossible ideals of youth and beauty.” Though am a self confessed prude, I cant resist posting the Ruby posters over here for the benefit of folks who are discovering Ruby right now.

Some facts that the Ruby Campaign highlights is

“# There are 3 billion women who don’t look like super models and only eight who do.
# Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
# If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
# The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14.
# Scaled to life size, a Barbie doll would be 7’2″. She would have a 40″ bust, a 22″ waist and 36″ hips.
# One out of every four college-aged women has an eating disorder.
# A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70 percent of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.”

Ruby kind of explores in a deep way the notions of beauty, desirability and the society induced guilt which propagate unwholesome psychological needs of beauty. And now men are not left either in that pursuit of unreasonable Adonis. With all media going gaga about the chiseled muscle men, many of the guys are pumping their Testosterone in those high intensity workouts for that perfect V shape. Yesterday, in one of those engaging discussions with my pal, I had my first brush with this guilt in a guy. Though it gives a grim satisfaction if I consider those issues of equality in dark humor, I couldn’t digest my friends going through this phenomenon without an awareness of the baggage that they carry. If we are chiseling ourselves for being good enough and attractive to that illusionary partners, we are piling our subconscious under a mountain of guilt and inferiority complex. And tell me this. How can I expect to be loved for what I can be, if I don’t love myself for what I am? For love with oneself is expressed in the way we relate to humanity. Unless I am comfortable with myself and accept myself for what I am, I can never accept the other person for what he or she is. I would burden him or her with unreasonable expectations and may build pressure on them to live up to my love, almost expecting them to pay a price for a chance at a relationship with me.

Guess, I need to clarify here, as I have indeed suggested diet plans for a couple of my friends while advising them to keep their weight in check. I did so, as I experimented with myself with various diets and I indeed believe that holistic life includes being right sized for flexibility, health and activity. I do believe that a well balanced holistic lifestyle attuned to nature wouldn’t store excess fat or flab on body. Yet, we are the way we are based on the trade offs and the choices we made. I am comfortable with what I am and I won’t let some external entity alter my views on beauty, femininity or the acceptability or desirability of myself. To put it simply, I use or try things based on my interest or curiosity and not because ‘I am worth it’.

If I look at the entire process and concept of beautification, I feel that its an attempt by all of us to be loved and accepted a little more. Isn’t it? Yet, my appeal for all is to do it for oneself and internalize that idea of beauty that you have after keen reflection. I hate to see anyone being plagued by a concept called alienation: of being a part of the world you don’t want to be in and working for a goal that you can’t own in heart for societal or for ‘the significant other’s’ sake. We all try to change for those we love, yet do keep this in mind. Those who reciprocate wouldn’t care whether we are good enough and those who don’t doesn’t matter. Falling in love with oneself, and wearing that narcissistic hat once in a while is a great way to catch that conceptual perfect unicorn for yourself. Cherish all that is you, coz you are unique in our own special way just like everyone else is and noone can take that from you.

Here’s my favorite Darren Hayes’s “Good Enough” song for you all. I loved this song both for its lyrics and the music. 🙂

“If I woke up late
Couldn’t get out of bed
If I bought you a cafe latte instead
If I lied when I said
32 inches was the size of my waist
And can I admit
Every once in a while
Even though I dig alternative style
Occasionally
I can be caught dancin’ to Brittany
And can I confess
That art house doesn’t turn me on
But I like every single thing that Speilberg’s done

Could I be good enough
Could I be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell that could be good enough “

Summing Up The First Quarter..

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? 🙂 When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there 🙂 ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least. 😉

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

Love Is In Air…

Valentines Day.. Reminds me of All Things Beautiful…Red Roses, Deep Passions, Soothing Music, Candlelit Dinner, Long Walks With Loved Ones, Solitude, Bliss and Contentment.. Umm

I see couples planning days in advance.. Most of my lady friends are knocking heads to discover a real unique gift for their boy friends, when guys are grinning like cheshire cats armed with predictable delights (Chocolates, Flowers, Cards, Teddies, and Jewellery) and the singles are feeling deeply miserable missing their fantasy partners. Truly it feels as if love is in the air.

What could be a better time to thank all those people who filled life with love and beauty? Here I lay in snug solitude, wrapped in soothing music of Phil Collins, David Gates, and Richard Marx, trying to do a long pending quarter life review in reflections. Often I wonder, whats life if not for those special people who filled life with love, joy or lesson. What’s solitude, if its not connected with nature, music, books or soul?

Thanks for my sweet little family for always being around enveloping me in unconditional acceptance and love. Thanks for those mentors who changed my life in minute ways with their guidance, affection, criticism and direction. Thanks for those pals (real and virtual) who made there presence in those moments of quiet need.

The mood of this moment is contentment and it wouldn’t have been possible without music, books and you all.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Touch Of Madness…

Whenever I think of Madness, a wickedly grinning cheshire cat flashes in my mind and somehow my mind fondly muses on this conversation from my favorite book..

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Alice went on. ‘Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where–‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘–so long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.’

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. ‘What sort of people live about here?’
‘In that direction,’ the Cat said, waving its right paw round, ‘lives a Hatter: and in that direction,’ waving the other paw, ‘lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re both mad.’

‘But I don’t want to go among mad people,’ Alice remarked.
‘Oh, you can’t help that,’ said the Cat: ‘we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.’
‘How do you know I’m mad?’ said Alice.
‘You must be,’ said the Cat, ‘or you wouldn’t have come here.’
Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; however, she went on ‘And how do you know that you’re mad?’
‘To begin with,’ said the Cat, ‘a dog’s not mad. You grant that?’
‘I suppose so,’ said Alice.
‘Well, then,’ the Cat went on, ‘you see, a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.’

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Every time I go through Alice in Wonderland and the Cheshire Cat’s conversations and its famous grin, I discover a new meaning. Yet, thats not the point here. Let’s stick to madness! 🙂

My little role model in celebrating madness is the Cheshire cat of ‘The Alice In Wonderland’ fame. Living through the chaos in this mad world which seems to operate in no defined sense of logic, I honestly believe that a glint of madness is essential to survive through the day. Everyone has their own little crazy world where we celebrate insanity in a splendid fashion. Our own artificial paradises where we play the little escapist helps us address the everyday madness that we encounter in every form. Guess we all fancy our own private interpretations of madness, don’t we? Yet, we thrive on it, come terms with it and indulge in our share of it! 😉

Next time, when the everyday frenzy gripes your sanity, try this. Do a little jig, be stupid at least once a day, perk up the spirits in your own little odd way, shoo the tension in a little corner and celebrate life in your own private madness just like that wicked cat with a huge grin. As they say, when you have to walk in rain, you might as well dance.

Sharing Some Sunshine..

This is a beautiful song from Dahek with a lot of cheer… It felt so nice reading through the lyrics and singing along. Thought I would share it with you all! The video of this song can be found here.

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Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Phasale manjile har mod par hain nayi
Josh hain jab talak haarenge hum na kabhi
Mushkile aani jaani hain, beharon ko behane bhi do
Jamake phir barase har khushi, kaash yun bhi to ho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho

Kyon kare taaron ke girane ka hum intjaar
Sach hame karana hain apane sapne hajaar
Chaar pal ki hain jindagi, apane dil ki suno
Ji lo ji bharke aaj tum, phi ye pal ho na ho

Dhadkane gaye jo san gungunaye sama
Paao mein ho zameen sar pe rahe aasmaaan
Hosla kam ho na kabhi chahe jo halaat ho
Bekasi mein chupi hui nagmo ko pehchaan lo
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Andheri raahon mein mile na mile humsafar
Yuhi tum befikar chalte raho
Nigahon mein kahin sapno ka hai basar
Sitaaron si raatbhar jalte raho

Ho khud pe ho aitbaar to mumkin hai sabhi
Zamana tumse hai zamaane se tum nahi

hmm hmm hmm….chalte raho
hmm hmm hmm….jalte raho

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Thanks for that sweet pal who discovers those songs of my mood with amazing ease.

Jadoo Ki Jhappy..

Dunno why my heart longs for this from the loved ones today. A real chilled morning and I can feel the cold seeping into my soul somehow.

I dream of being perfect in everything I do, trying to put a piece of my soul in every activity. Sometimes, it feels so close, that can I become that little Ms. Perfect. Yet, if I have to be totally realistic, I would like to be really good in everything I ever did or do. And for what sake? To be loved a little more.. Is it what am looking for?

Sometimes, guess this choice always hangs around. Having the courage to quit and bear the tag of loser for being true to oneself or sticking around betraying oneself for the sake of society. These are choices we all have to make at some point in our life. Hoping that I have enough spine to stand up for myself in things that I truly care. In those rare low events, let me pray for some jadoo and some jhappy to last for the life.. 🙂

A little greed doesn’t hurt anyone, does it?

On Possessiveness and Love…

There is once a popular song in Hindi that sings that ‘Life Is A Song Of Love’.. Always made me pause and reflect. In our attempts to discover and reinvent life through the journey of love, guess many have been tugged by this emotion of possessiveness sometime. I hear many times about this rolling out as a candid confession in conversations. Guess everyone might have heard of this perspective, but when I came across it in my mail box, I couldn’t resist posting it. Coz, there are certain lessons and learnings in life, that demand conscious effort from our side to put them to practice.

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I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: “You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love.”

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand gently open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love. They try to posses, own, demand, and expect… and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

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Sounds such a simple perspective, but how difficult to internalize! I have seen relationships collapse due to a possessiveness overdrive and power struggle. Well, we can never reason out our actions in relationships, but awareness always helps in defining our perspective. Love like joy and cheer is meant to be shared and isn’t limited like a piece of cake. Still, we feel as if we own the person and haggle for our share, how strange!

Dream Merchant Strikes..

Though a piece of fiction, this is a beautiful composition so I thought I would share it. I fell in love with it when I read it over a mail. I am not sure of the author to acknowledge (as I guess both these poems are written by different people and are connected by someone), yet kudos to him as he laces words beautifully to create a fairytale. Now don’t you dare wonder whats with me and horse riding metal guys! I just happen to like that idea! 🙂

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She dreams of her knight and longs for companionship. As her thought shapes into an expression, the words sway like this.

“In this world full of hurt and pain,
I need someone who would help me through the rain.
To comfort me when Im sad,
Doing everything just to make me glad.

In this world I need a Brave Knight,
Who would never give up any fight.
A knight who would dry away my tears,
Telling me to overcome my fears.

A knight who loves me for who I am inside,
With him there’s nothing more I need to hide.
A person who will still be standing strong,
Even though everything has gone wrong.

I need someone who is willing to give me more,
Someone I can call my Knight In Shining Armor”

And the Knight muses on and fills all his love to pen his promises which flow this way..

“Love is a many splendored thing, they say,
And I believed it when you looked my way,
Out of the blue, things seemed to happen
By chance or destiny, is the question.

Living my life so long, without knowing your existence,
Then came a day we felt each others presence,
Guess what’s meant to be will always find a way,
Love creeps into hearts and decides to stay.

A love so exquisite, yet so intricate,
In a world of only “you and I”
A love we can’t even demonstrate,
A secret we have to keep for life.

I love you, honey, and it’s from the bottom of my heart,
I would wait for the day when you say “I Love you” back,
You make me fly without wings,
You make my heart wants to sing.

Every moment I spent with you,
Is every one of my dreams coming true,
More than words, I want to show you how I feel,
Someday, some place, sometime, I will.

Love is a journey for two,
Step by step, me and you,
The future we can’t see,
Let love lead the way for you and me.”

Their dreams connected and as the fate choose to unite them under the blessings of heaven. And then they lived happily ever after.

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Note: Now you may wonder why its titled Dream Merchant? The story rings so good and runs like a dream, yet I want to be connected with the reality that not all verses are true and not all stories end up with happy endings. There are times when life plays the dream merchant, be braced for that. There is a thin line between truth and fantasy. How much ever we wish we want our wildest dream to be true, life will have different plans.. The best way to brave it is to greet the situation with a big smile and savor moment by moment with no expectations. Tough call indeed! I wish u all the best!

Skeletons in The Cupboard..

This is one of those persistent echoes from one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I relished and indulged in grandeur. How do we deal with broken dreams, unrequited love, and breach of trust? How do we handle with that muted voice of the Maverick that lies with in us? We all have our own little skeletons in our cupboards from past. Everyone emerges different from similar experiences depending on how they chose to deal with them.

One of friends’ shared with me his perspective one day. Since I know he wouldn’t mind, am quoting him verbatim.. “Heard “Ekla chalo re?” All of us are individuals, responsible for the fruits and pitfalls of our individual actions. Ever since I was a young, I hardly remember a time when I didn’t suffer from crush pangs. Grew up like that, got ditched a couple of times, but picked up the remnants and carried on. Anyway, you never know who is trustworthy and who is not. I trust everyone and no one. Even if I get ditched, I’m not affected, and if I am not, I’ll have won over someone. Life doesn’t play safe. You’d either be endangered or as safe as in Fort Knox.“

Some choose to live in profound confusion and conflict quagmire, finding it hard to let go of past and some are able to pick up the pieces and move on savoring life moment by moment. Whatever that we choose to do and how would we deal with the skeletons in the cupboard in the end is our personal choice. It’s about being comfortable with our thoughts, value systems and ourselves. What’s life if it’s not spiced with joy, mirth, sorrows, complexities, love, fun and friends? We all have our own wars to fight, storms to rage, dreams to conquer and dragons to slay. Sometimes we may end up with terrible wounds, raw pain, and shattered dreams. I heard someone saying Pain is Gain. How true! Life is a learning process for sure. Hold on to that inner spirit and enjoy the ride.

Bookworm Glows..

I am tired and weary after a lot of binge shopping! Yet, I cant resist singing in my heart ala Arnold Lobel style..

“Books to the ceiling, Books to the sky.
My pile of books are a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I’ll have a long beard by the time I read them. ”

So now you know where the Saturday shopping bug has taken me! 🙂

I was wandering around the M.G. Road in Bangalore and was pulled to a shop by name Bookworm and ended up picking a pile of books. After spending around two hours I realized how much I missed my collection of books after coming to Bangalore..

Now I am richer with

Konrad Z Lorenz’s ‘King Solomon’s Ring’,
Ambrose Bierce’s ‘The Devil’s Dictionary’,
Nathaniel Hawthrone’s ‘Young Goodman Brown and Other Stories’,
Colleen McCullough’s ‘Fortune’s Favorites’,
Maya Angelou’s ‘I Know Why A Caged Bird Sings’,
Colleen McCullough’s ‘The Ladies Of Missalonghi’,
Charles & Mary Lamb’s ‘Tales From Shakespere’,
Kahlil Gibran’s ‘The Prophet’,
Poems Of Stevens Wallace,
Stephani Cook’s ‘Second Life’,
Geoffery Chaucer’s ‘The Canterbury Tales’,
Oscar Wilde’s ‘De Profundis and Other Writings’.

I am stuffed with books for the next three months I guess!

The celebration of this bookworm is on!

Knight In Shining Armor..

Most of us want to get in touch with our emotional roots at some point of time, hope for that idealistic unconditional acceptance and love, would love to discover beauty, passion, love and joy over the expanse of life or are in search of the fairy tale romance and must have inevitably encountered one of those hard hitting setbacks. There must be times when we wished to loose the ability to feel, and prayed to turn to a stone that can’t hope, believe, cherish and love. Yet, we endure and sustain all those beautiful and sensitive feelings even while bleeding on the edge of practicality.

Can you guess why? There lives a dreamer in everyone, concealed in a flimsy cloak of sheer rational pragmatism. He lives on, standing tall during the test of times, saving himself from those calls of maturity which rely on martyrdom, working around his way when we are busy donning our own concocted masks to brace reality. I call him my knight in shining armor as he connects me to those fairy tale dreams and keeps my angels alive. Acknowledge his existence and he will add that much needed twinkle to life with hope and love.

(Photo Courtesy: http://www.sandboxstrat.com/2W_Blog_Knight.jpg )

Embracing Imperfection..

These days I seem to be on a forwarding spree. Yet, I found it quite relevant to ponder upon. Some relationships are for keeps and they indeed effect us in many ways. I see many people going through some crisis or another on that front and unfortunately there is no degree to help you around that corner. Some balance, acceptance, semblance, accommodation and sensibility is demanded from us in such situations. Yet, often thats what we miss in an emotional situation. I like the idea of ‘accepting imperfections’ that resonates in this article by Deb Graham. Do enjoy.

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THE SECRET TO A LASTING MARRIAGE: EMBRACE IMPERFECTION

By Deb Graham

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned toast.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides, ­a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!”

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget. And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late… as usual… and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day — and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house — I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days; and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a “Thank you!” I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day.”

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad… how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching “Golf Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer’s dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We’ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work!

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults – and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences – is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

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Soulmate Thoughts..

I have always loved Fairy tales. The Cinderella, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armour.. As I grew up, I resisted all those hard practicality knocks and held on to those dreams.. Somehow I always felt that there is this ideal soul mate made to order for me, who complements and completes me in the journey of love and life. Its tough at times to keep on hoping, not to melt those unspoken dreams at the test of times. Whenever I trade off those pieces of dreams for fragments of reality, it leaves a hollow in heart to accept that in life those little dreams may not take shape at all. That dream home can turn out to be a loveless cramped apartment, those peace filled surroundings are in actuality dull roads filled with roaring vehicles, that picture perfect world will end up as a portrait, and that ideal Mr. Right could turnout to be a frog..

Sometimes people can actually mess up and trample those treasure trove of yearnings and mock our dreams that we hold so dear. How I wish I can curse with all my might and force them to walk in my shoes to understand the hurt that they carelessly inflict. Sharing life, vision, dreams and memories with someone are like placing a hammer in the hands of people and begging them to hit us back. Yet we trust and hope with all fervor, suffer the wounds in private and face the world with renewed twinkle in eyes and rigor in action. Aren’t we amazing?

Yes just as Richard Kincaid says ”The old dreams were good dreams, they didn’t work out , but I am glad I had them”.

For now, its time for some reality bites! 🙂

“We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.”

-Richard Bach

When the glamour [of one’s marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only – . Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’. And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43

Love And Time..

Here is another forward that I have received a long time back. There is no specific reason to post this apart from the fact that I liked this.  This story brings out quite creatively that time is much needed to appreciate the richness of love.. Muse on..

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Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, “Vanity, please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat.” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh….Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!”

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her! Suddenly, there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder.

Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who helped me?” “It was Time,” Knowledge answered.

“Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?”

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

A Special Visit By A Little Friend!

Yesterday, we had a special visitor at our home. I was all pious and am reading a hindu religious tome called Gurucharitra (Courtesy: Mom) and then there she is, gracing my bed corner and sitting royally on my pillow. I went hesitantly by her side and she breezily jumped on to my fingers. Such a tender little young sparrow… I loved the feel of her on my hand!

I called out for my sister to shut all the fans off in the house. She rushed by my side with a name ready for my little friend. She called her Bittu over the name of her lost friend and bought Kaju Barfi and a bowl of water to greet her. Me and my sister were really fussing over this little visitor and my mom rushed in with loads of warm advice.

‘Let her go, her family would find her’

‘Place her in front of mirror so that she would preen’

‘Hunt for her parents, they must be searching for her’ and so on..

I felt a lot of swirling emotions inside me. I know that its a cruel thing to hold her and that it may damage her plumage. I let her go and then I realized that she is a proper kiddo and cant fly more than a short distance. I was concerned and scared for her. Well, that particular childhood memory of a little sparrow getting hurt due to a fan while flying didn’t comfort me either. I scooped her on my palm and went out to take a walk around the home. Hey, her parents are waiting for her on the big fat tree thats in front of my home. Bittu flew to her parents side and the whole family is squeaking again! Capturing that tender moment, me and my sis ran inside and gave a real bear hug to Mamma.

Finally everybody is home to their loved ones! 🙂

Confessions of A Bookworm!

These days my life is filled with loads of books! And am celebrating. 🙂 Its been a long time that I have consciously taken time to read good stuff and it feels as if I am falling in love with literature again!

I have always felt that these long hours at a dumb terminal did leave very little for intellectual companionship. After a tiring day, I just wanted to drop dead on my bed or wanted a predictable comfort from a mills and boon! All I wish for is some intellectual stimulation or productive engagement!

Having time at my disposal, these days I am exploring some quality literature. Trust me, they can be quite intoxicating! Being an avid backer of fiction, I checked out TIME’s All time 100 list, and the Pulitzer’s Prize Winners to check those that behold my interest. It sound’s like sheer greed, isn’t it? I agree!

Yet, my greed finds its rationalization when I wonder at the marvelous play of words in the book that I hold at night, awaiting to turn to the last page with a contended glee so that I can imprint the loving experience that I shared with it.

There is nothing like a good book or a bad book.. Each one is a new world and either you feel like a part of it or you don’t! Racing through the each page, living through the characters, you do get a vicarious sensation of living through different times! Such is the world of books for me!

Complexities of Unrequited Love..

That can sure cause quite a turmoil in the heart. My idea of love is still evolving, and probably it would enhance with passage of time as I learn from heart’s journeys. Yet, coursing through the experiences of life, entangled in the tales of love has made me appreciate the labyrinthine maneuvering of tortuous emotions.

Makes me wonder how the definitions of love change with time. At times, it could be courting, flirting or a simple companionship. It could be attraction, affection or an intrinsic need for completeness. Sounds quite like an convoluted journey, isn’t it?

Living through the tales of unrequited love made me wonder what creates that plethora of entangled emotions. Is that incompatible expectations, or unjustified emotions? Is it incongruous personalities or mismatched priorities? Whatever could be the real reason, they sure leave a trail of broken feelings, of bleeding hearts exposed for hurt…

Rise in love, fall in love, broken hearts and mended feelings.. Cliches really have a way of putting things in a poetic fashion! We may turn up cynical and may put in practical outlook, we may lock ourselves in shells with once bitten twice shy attitude, or go with the traditional flow. We may even lick those wounds in private and avow never to trust or place ourselves in vulnerable situations! Its interesting to go through the emotional roller coaster as we come out stronger, richer and wiser after the experience.

Love is enchanting experience and our entire life rolls in the process of discovering it. So what if a prospective partner doesn’t reciprocate your tender feelings? Caught in the spell of love is magical enough. Adoring expectantly, acting irrational, waiting upon for hours, getting all decked up, walking in the clouds, reading poetry together, getting bewitched by the expressive eyes, awaiting approval, spending hours on phones, those times of missed calls and long messages, small fights and big make ups, teasing from friends and crib sessions.. Don’t they form a treasured collection of cherished memories?

Live in the moment, savor the experience, sour higher in the depth of the emotions and learn to relish life in totality. Appreciate the experience for the heck of it! Imagine how boring life would be, if everything happens the way we wish it to be..There ain’t no charm in predictability! Requited or unrequited, there is a purpose hidden beneath.. Our soul goes deep like those dark ancient rivers as we wade through highs and lows of life. Well, I hear my dreamy self rambling again!

In Search of a Soulmate..

Did you ever feel that you were missing someone you have never met? Richard gets this right, when he writes this in “The Bridge Across Forever”. This is the book which I love for putting a complex emotion like love in elegant and beautiful manner. Another one which I loved is “Love Story” by Erich Segal.

There is a need for someone in life, who can stand by you through thick and thin. It’s just not the despair that you can’t brave this world alone. It’s a nagging feeling of being incomplete, a desire to be unconditionally loved, and longingness for completion and compatibility. Big words and I wonder if they can ever be true.

Do you believe that a Mr. or Miss Perfect exists for you? I do. For me, life is a journey of adventures, a path of struggles, a valley of joys, small pleasures and little achievements, of failures and learnings, of longing and emptiness, of triumphs and patience: all packed in a mission to discover LOVE and a desire to reinvent oneself in a growing feeling of warmth and affection of the loved ones.

What do I expect from my Mr. Right? A person who respects my independence and freedom of thought and action, who never tries to lead my life as his own, and is sensitive and sensible to my character. Seems like a tall order, isn’t it? But who knows, I might even get lucky! The only thing that shatters dreams is a compromise; hence, I will close my eyes and resign myself to sleep.

My home trip!

I finally managed to reach home for Diwali and had a gala time at home. Yet, I can’t resist myself from posting the way I reached home. I couldn’t make the journey on 28th as all the trains in Chennai Central towards Andhra Pradesh got cancelled. To much of my chagrin, the situation continued for days. Finally Coromandal express got started on 30th and I was happy to get a berth and became an innocent victim of the diverted train route. God! The train took 30 hours to reach my home town(actual time is 10 hours). Good thing is that I got to see the whole of Rayalaseema: the Kadapa, Anantapuram, Karnool, Prakasam districts. It was quite a tiresome journey and an interesting one too. One can actually observe the resilience, patience and tenacity of the people. I finally reached home and my only regret is that I lost around 3 days due to the journey.

I did plenty of shopping at home and even accompanied Dad a couple of times for the morning walk. Being at Home gives me a sluggish sense of happiness. Khana, Peena and Sona. Did nothing apart from that. I took two days to get back to the working life!

I left the cell at home as I wanted to buy a new one in Chennai. Andhra Pradesh is cheaper when it comes to buying of cells. I did quite a lot of research and finally I found that there is not a single cell which has an ideal brain and beauty combo. I stayed cell-less for a couple of days deciding which one to buy. Interesting part is that during those days I felt strange happiness and freedom. I got so used to mobile that I felt that something is missing. Talk about Techno-Addiction!

P.S. Finally I ended up buying Samsung’s SGH-X620 on 14th Nov. Though its not from Nokia, this mobile covers the basic functions like FM(very much needed in Chennai), Cam and voice recording. Looks quite handy too. Yes it fits the bill!

The classic Indirect Proposal..

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BOY: I need someone to talk to ..
GiRL: I`m alwayz here for you.
BOY: I know.
GiRL: Whatz wrong?
BOY: I like her *s0o* much..
GiRL: Talk to her.
BOY: I don`t know.. she`ll never like me.
GiRL: Don`t say that. You`re amazing.
BOY: I just wanna tell her how I feel ..
GiRL: Then tell her.
BOY: She won`t like me.
GiRL: How do you know that?
BOY: I can just tell.
GiRL: Well, just tell her.
BOY: What should I say?
GiRL: Tell her how much you like her.
BOY: I tell her that daily.
GiRL: What youu mean?
BOY: I’m alwayz with her. I love her.
GiRL: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he`ll never like me.
BOY: Wait. Who do you like?
GiRL: Ooh, some boy..
BOY: Ooh, she won`t like me either.
GiRL: She does.
BOY: How do you know.. ?
GiRL: Because who wouldn`t like you?
BOY: You..
GiRL: You`re wrong. I love you.
BOY: I love you too.
GiRL: .. so are you going to talk to her?
BOY: I just did.

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Got this as a forward. Somehow I feel that this conversation depicts the hesitation, self-doubt and love quite convincingly.

Love Stories..

Its nice to read some love stories at times.. They give such nice hope and they talk of so much optimism. I like the idea that there is someone who cares for you, even if it can be a myth. Its just that feeling,”Pal bhar keliye koi hame Pyaar karle, Jhoota hi sahi!”

This is a good story which I have received today as a forward. Hope you like it too.

A SWEET LOVE STORY

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter: “would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.”

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: “when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea , just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there”. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you—the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication!

I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.. Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life!

Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want t o know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again”. Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what’s the taste of salty coffee?
It’s sweet. She replied.

love is not 2 forget
but 2 forgive
not 2 c but understand
not 2 hear but 2 listen
not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. Being loved by someone gives u strength, being in love with someone deeply gives u courage!!!

Radical Leap..

The Radical Leap
A Personal Lesson in Extreme Leadership

Author: Steve Farber

This was a book suggested by my boss and he asked me to read it twice! The first thing I enquired was the number of pages of the book! I just wondered how thick would that be..

Coming to the actual reading experience, the book is fabulous. This is a book written by Steve Farber which talks about Extreme Leadership. What exactly is an extreme leader? He defines him in one simple sentence, as a person who L.E.A.P.s forward; One who cultivates Love, generates Energy, inspires Audacity, and provides Proof.

The story begins at a beach where Steve, a leadership consultant meets a mysterious and wise character called EdG who defines leadership as an extreme sport. The book is about how Steve discovers the extreme leadership and how he helps to sort out his friend Janice’s problem at her workplace XinoniX. I loved the way the story unfolds and the style of writing of the Steve Farber. You can find the summary of the concept here.

One particular point which caught my eye is Why do I come to work today? Do I love what I do? Yes.. Truly, this must be the most important question of everyone’s life. Life is too small to be fretted away on things which we don’t enjoy doing. We need to find our passion and work our way to get it. That’s what I call self-expression. A feeling of pure joy..

We may not remember the top leaders of the Century or the Miss Universes’ of the World.. But we will surely remember the people who have touched our life. That’s the most interesting part of Leadership. Its about the ability to influence and make a difference to other people’s life; its about the desire to love and help others find their dreams too. This book is a great read which should not be missed. (Not because my boss told so!)

What is Peace?

I really don’t know if peace for many means absence of conflict or bliss of pure joy and love. I can’t really say if peace for somebody means absence of something or eternal happiness. For, I can’t really know the value of peace without conflict, and for me peace is a state of mind and an attitude to don even in conflict.

If one has to have a simple cottage or to need a hilly region for a peaceful life, I really doubt whether he can ever achieve it as he believe that peace exists as an external entity and its location goes on shifting as we go closer searching it.. All I can say is that a little bit of introspection and a little of awareness may give a different perspective in understanding what’s PEACE for an individual.. An answer to be found within oneself.. A pursuit to be done alone into oneself…

The Binding Vine..

The Binding Vine written by Sashi Deshpande is the narration of Urmi, who was grieving over the death of her baby daughter and surrounded by the loving care of her mother, Inni and her childhood friend and sister-in-law, Vanna. Through her grief, Urmi is drawn into the lives of three very different women. As the stories of these women unfold, so does a tale of quiet courage and strength.

The first woman Urmi is drawn to her long-dead mother-in-law, Mira who exists only in the notebooks she has left behind, discovered by chance in a dusty storage trunk. Mira’s journals and poetry reveal the pain of a vibrant young woman trapped in an unhappy arranged marriage, and of a gifted writer whose work, because she is a woman, must remain shrouded in secrecy and silence. Then there is Kalpana, the survivor of a brutal rape and a young woman who has also been silenced. As she hovers between life and death in a hospital ward, Kalpana is watched over by her impoverished mother, Shakutai, with whom Urmi forms an unlikely bond of mutual comfort. The lives of three women who are “haunted by fears, secrets, and deep grief” are bound together by strands of life and hope—a binding vine of love, concern, and connection that spreads across chasms of time, social class, and even death.

Memories from the past stray to Urmi’s mind and a journey to the past helps Urmi uncover mysteries about herself, but not her past alone: “The past is always clearer because it is more comprehended”. One theme that was stressed in her book is rape – both as a random violent act and within marriage. The disgrace is not the girl’s, the disgrace is the criminal’s. That is not how it is. It’s really the dilemma which Urmi, the narrator, faces because, if she makes it public, it’s possible the family is going to be affected, and if she does not, you know it’s like saying the woman is the one who is in disgrace, who has done wrong.

When Bhaskar, a doctor in the hospital, raises the question of why it’s so important for women to marry, his question is raised right after Shakutai pleads with Bhaskar not to release the report of rape because it would ruin Kalpana’s chance of marriage. In his eyes, she is focusing on false significance. She should be more concerned with the fact that her daughter is lying in a hospital bed unconscious. Reputation becomes everything for a woman.

The issue that has mattered the most is the conflict between the idea women have of themselves and the idea that society imposes on them of what being a woman is. And there’s a struggle to conform to this image, the guilt when you can’t do that. Though, the characters are women, they represent the human being lurking inside. And that human being is often a lonely one though not one who is alone. It is a loneliness deep rooted in their souls. It is a result of being honest with oneself.

A question Urmi often asks herself is why does she feel the need to forget her dead daughter? Women are tied to their children, and the binding vine, as written by Mira, signifies the umbilical cord to which mother and child are physically connected. Urmi is emotionally numb in the beginning after the realization that her daughter is really gone: “what’s broken cannot be mended” She learns, however, that pains can be mended after she learns to reach out to those who need to find their own strengths.

Shakutai’ s decision towards the close of the book, to reveal the truth about her daughter’s rape gives her a new sense of liberation. The Binding Vine beautifully brings about the feelings, which are left unspoken in the Indian women, and shows the pursuit of love in their journey of life. It’s a triumphant story of victory and defeat, when women find their voices.

In Companionship with Nature!

Today is one of the most beautiful days of life. Though I say that happiness is a state of mind, the day went in quite well.. I have no words to express the exquisite joy I felt in experiencing the day. Morning I had a lovely walk in the Kamala Nehru Park and had a nice tea with my daily Daily. The day was picture perfect and quite pleasant. I experimented with Rajma and was just about to doze off when a friend of mine rang me up. We went to the Osho Theerth Park, which is otherwise known as the Naala Park. Wow! I have no words to describe the eternal bliss I felt being at the park. The songs of birds, the mild rumbling of trees and the flowing water…Never knew that a park could be so beautiful. It looked so natural and perfect. I just wondered how would the world look like if I find such scenic beauty everywhere instead of concrete jungles. How to describe the surreal experience of joy and love? Words fail me!