Dreams….

30 07 2008

Haunted by my dreams, this post is a result of midnight musings, after I soothed my frayed nerves by a short chat with my papa. These days I realized that dreams are my deepest desires which I have never acknowledged. Its like those persistant voices which never got a chance, and hence they manifest in the eerie visions of the dreamland when our resistance to logically refute is at all time low. Most of the things I dream are either about things that I heard of, or things that I want to happen or stories that I read somewhere. Those some of these often take me by surprise, they would laos make me believe that I am what I dream. But dreaming alone won’t achieve what I long for, right? May be I don’t live my dreams because I live my fears. May be, I magnify my fears with the thinking mind and lull the heart’s desire with cold reason.

My experience of dreams goes a long way back.. Most of my dreams weave those ‘what if’ sequences about the opportunities that life presents. Some of them could be about me visualizing how would it look if I try bungee jumping or about how would life be in a different career, or about how is an ordinary day in a new environment. Yet, these are what make me come to terms with my anxieties and facts of lifewhile making me comfortable with the fear from the unknown.

And there are those creative dreams either about the stories I heard, movies I partly saw or books that I read somewhere. One of those vivid childhood dreams that stayed with me, is this dream of Ramayana, that started from where the Hanuman brings the sanjeevani to the end of war. I distinctly remember this, for I stayed long in bed so that this dream finds its end. Well, there are dreams where I played wild roles, like a daredevil detective, or a super woman, but let me assure you, these are quite rare. Its been long time since I played the batwoman. 🙂 Yet, the kick of these dreams lies in the way I could manipulate those sequences, or even create them to my satisfaction.

And then there are those dreams that helped me overcome my fears. In childhood, I have always been afraid of things like loosing family members or snakes. I am not sure if I overcome any of those fears. But I remember those dreams which made me run till I made a choice to pick a stick and fight or those that portrayed loss of loved ones and taught me to appreciate their value in life.

But of all these dreams that I had, I never felt as if I am an inactive participant. I have always, (ok, I concede) most of the times, been able to direct my dream to my desired end or end it before it turns wild. May be that’s why I never had such a predominant nightmare which became a permanent memory.

Somehow I believe that dreamland is the space where we touch the threshold of our potential and visualize the realization of our deepest desires. Some stop there, reveling in the beauty of their dreams and basking in vicarious satisfaction; while some hold on and make it a reality in this material world.

I don’t think I have a theory about what I dream, but somehow writing about them did lighten my thought at this late hour. If you are reading this, tell me about your dreams. Would love to hear about the extent and expanse of your imagined universe. Even if you don’t want to talk about it in public space, it’s ok. At least acknowledge them to yourself in solitude, else you would end up being haunted by dreams, just the way I was.

P.S. Whenever I think of dreams, I couldn’t help but muse on here, for in vague sense, it gives me hope.





In A Glass Paradise, I Shed..

15 11 2007

all those miseries that I have seen for the future through those unspoken tears rolling over my eyes..

What hurt me was not the indifference of the world but the misinterpretation of my pal. Or is it that I am afraid to face the truth? Why do I feel the need or urge to justify myself, or explain myself that I am not what they think. Yet, I gave up.. Silence is the best answer for all those judgments that are meted out and those expectations that are set on me.

Coz, still I don’t have an easy answer to the mystery called me. Yet, its nice to have people around to whom I can be as nasty when I want to and pass all my moody zingers whenever I like..

Dunno why, yet its nice to to feel that I can still cry. I guess its ok to cry even when there is no reason. Its okay to bare one’s heart for those little disappointments and soul shattering experiences in life. They make me feel more human, especially when am tired of playing the big girl. Thank you tears, for being there when it mattered most. Hear me out, oh Mr. Gloominess.. You can visit me anytime, but only for a moment. Only to show me how wonderful the blue sky or the rosy tinted glasses are.. So do remember when u drop by my door for a brief hello.

Everyone thinks I am at a tricky phase of life. When it isn’t so? Things would seem as dark or light as I want them to be. Nothing shatters a dream than a compromise. I believe, hope and pray everyday to not see the light of a day when I had to negotiate with my life. I guess its tough life being a dreamer. 🙂 Even in a glass paradise, my eyes seek the vision of limitless blue sky and a bright rainbow. I can’t really help myself. That eternal optimist survives!





Dream Merchant Strikes..

15 10 2007

Though a piece of fiction, this is a beautiful composition so I thought I would share it. I fell in love with it when I read it over a mail. I am not sure of the author to acknowledge (as I guess both these poems are written by different people and are connected by someone), yet kudos to him as he laces words beautifully to create a fairytale. Now don’t you dare wonder whats with me and horse riding metal guys! I just happen to like that idea! 🙂

****************

She dreams of her knight and longs for companionship. As her thought shapes into an expression, the words sway like this.

“In this world full of hurt and pain,
I need someone who would help me through the rain.
To comfort me when Im sad,
Doing everything just to make me glad.

In this world I need a Brave Knight,
Who would never give up any fight.
A knight who would dry away my tears,
Telling me to overcome my fears.

A knight who loves me for who I am inside,
With him there’s nothing more I need to hide.
A person who will still be standing strong,
Even though everything has gone wrong.

I need someone who is willing to give me more,
Someone I can call my Knight In Shining Armor”

And the Knight muses on and fills all his love to pen his promises which flow this way..

“Love is a many splendored thing, they say,
And I believed it when you looked my way,
Out of the blue, things seemed to happen
By chance or destiny, is the question.

Living my life so long, without knowing your existence,
Then came a day we felt each others presence,
Guess what’s meant to be will always find a way,
Love creeps into hearts and decides to stay.

A love so exquisite, yet so intricate,
In a world of only “you and I”
A love we can’t even demonstrate,
A secret we have to keep for life.

I love you, honey, and it’s from the bottom of my heart,
I would wait for the day when you say “I Love you” back,
You make me fly without wings,
You make my heart wants to sing.

Every moment I spent with you,
Is every one of my dreams coming true,
More than words, I want to show you how I feel,
Someday, some place, sometime, I will.

Love is a journey for two,
Step by step, me and you,
The future we can’t see,
Let love lead the way for you and me.”

Their dreams connected and as the fate choose to unite them under the blessings of heaven. And then they lived happily ever after.

*****************************************

Note: Now you may wonder why its titled Dream Merchant? The story rings so good and runs like a dream, yet I want to be connected with the reality that not all verses are true and not all stories end up with happy endings. There are times when life plays the dream merchant, be braced for that. There is a thin line between truth and fantasy. How much ever we wish we want our wildest dream to be true, life will have different plans.. The best way to brave it is to greet the situation with a big smile and savor moment by moment with no expectations. Tough call indeed! I wish u all the best!





Skeletons in The Cupboard..

8 10 2007

This is one of those persistent echoes from one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I relished and indulged in grandeur. How do we deal with broken dreams, unrequited love, and breach of trust? How do we handle with that muted voice of the Maverick that lies with in us? We all have our own little skeletons in our cupboards from past. Everyone emerges different from similar experiences depending on how they chose to deal with them.

One of friends’ shared with me his perspective one day. Since I know he wouldn’t mind, am quoting him verbatim.. “Heard “Ekla chalo re?” All of us are individuals, responsible for the fruits and pitfalls of our individual actions. Ever since I was a young, I hardly remember a time when I didn’t suffer from crush pangs. Grew up like that, got ditched a couple of times, but picked up the remnants and carried on. Anyway, you never know who is trustworthy and who is not. I trust everyone and no one. Even if I get ditched, I’m not affected, and if I am not, I’ll have won over someone. Life doesn’t play safe. You’d either be endangered or as safe as in Fort Knox.“

Some choose to live in profound confusion and conflict quagmire, finding it hard to let go of past and some are able to pick up the pieces and move on savoring life moment by moment. Whatever that we choose to do and how would we deal with the skeletons in the cupboard in the end is our personal choice. It’s about being comfortable with our thoughts, value systems and ourselves. What’s life if it’s not spiced with joy, mirth, sorrows, complexities, love, fun and friends? We all have our own wars to fight, storms to rage, dreams to conquer and dragons to slay. Sometimes we may end up with terrible wounds, raw pain, and shattered dreams. I heard someone saying Pain is Gain. How true! Life is a learning process for sure. Hold on to that inner spirit and enjoy the ride.





Knight In Shining Armor..

29 09 2007

Most of us want to get in touch with our emotional roots at some point of time, hope for that idealistic unconditional acceptance and love, would love to discover beauty, passion, love and joy over the expanse of life or are in search of the fairy tale romance and must have inevitably encountered one of those hard hitting setbacks. There must be times when we wished to loose the ability to feel, and prayed to turn to a stone that can’t hope, believe, cherish and love. Yet, we endure and sustain all those beautiful and sensitive feelings even while bleeding on the edge of practicality.

Can you guess why? There lives a dreamer in everyone, concealed in a flimsy cloak of sheer rational pragmatism. He lives on, standing tall during the test of times, saving himself from those calls of maturity which rely on martyrdom, working around his way when we are busy donning our own concocted masks to brace reality. I call him my knight in shining armor as he connects me to those fairy tale dreams and keeps my angels alive. Acknowledge his existence and he will add that much needed twinkle to life with hope and love.

(Photo Courtesy: http://www.sandboxstrat.com/2W_Blog_Knight.jpg )





Soulmate Thoughts..

18 09 2007

I have always loved Fairy tales. The Cinderella, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armour.. As I grew up, I resisted all those hard practicality knocks and held on to those dreams.. Somehow I always felt that there is this ideal soul mate made to order for me, who complements and completes me in the journey of love and life. Its tough at times to keep on hoping, not to melt those unspoken dreams at the test of times. Whenever I trade off those pieces of dreams for fragments of reality, it leaves a hollow in heart to accept that in life those little dreams may not take shape at all. That dream home can turn out to be a loveless cramped apartment, those peace filled surroundings are in actuality dull roads filled with roaring vehicles, that picture perfect world will end up as a portrait, and that ideal Mr. Right could turnout to be a frog..

Sometimes people can actually mess up and trample those treasure trove of yearnings and mock our dreams that we hold so dear. How I wish I can curse with all my might and force them to walk in my shoes to understand the hurt that they carelessly inflict. Sharing life, vision, dreams and memories with someone are like placing a hammer in the hands of people and begging them to hit us back. Yet we trust and hope with all fervor, suffer the wounds in private and face the world with renewed twinkle in eyes and rigor in action. Aren’t we amazing?

Yes just as Richard Kincaid says ”The old dreams were good dreams, they didn’t work out , but I am glad I had them”.

For now, its time for some reality bites! 🙂

“We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.”

-Richard Bach

When the glamour [of one’s marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only – . Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’. And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43





Mood of The Moment..

4 09 2007

Whenever I dream of my Mr. Right, there are certain songs that come closer to heart. I love the idea of a Mr. Right, someone who would always be my side when the world crackles down, on whom I can count on for honesty, fair play, generosity and kindness, who is pleasant natured, someone who can smile easily, judge rarely, help easily, is open minded, who couldn’t care less for reputation when character is questioned.. And the list goes on and on.. I wish I can dream him into my life. Here is a song thats dedicated to all those unshared dreams which may never see the light of the day!

I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life