Something Amiss..

13 07 2008

As a sheer wave of nostalgia hits me in this sunny Sunday afternoon, I couldn’t help but muse on all those lovely moments of my life.. Yes, Indeed I miss

  • Those Hasty Bicycle rides to School
  • Climbing Guava and Mango trees in search of sweet temptations
  • Those Hide and Seek Games that filled lazy afternoons
  • Summer Time.. Umm.. Mango eating competitions in the village backyards.. Yummy!
  • Hosting Bicycle Championships around the village roads
  • Inventing creative reasons for missing classes
  • Those innocent dreams of Ramayan, Snakes and Shaktiman
  • Those days of ‘Chitrahaar’ and ”Doordarshan’ sans remote control
  • Bending rules with childhood pals, my partners in crime
  • Those summer rains and the lighthearted frolic on the terrace
  • The sheer joy of growing up, and the academic rigmarole

Umm.. How I long for a little drizzle of joy or a time machine… Suddenly this whole business of playing the adult isn’t that appealing any more.





Caught In the Swirl Of Stardust!

24 06 2008

I never thought I would actually dedicate a thought to this movie ‘Saawariya’, on which I am still undecided on my reaction. I don’t think I would ever be able to take a stand on whether I loved the movie or hated it. That’s because I shared both these feelings in equal measure. Saawariya is a beautiful vision without imagination, a splendid fare of visual poetry without gravity, a charming seductress without soul and is filled with delusional love that is evoked by the lackluster admixture of scintillating idealistic dreamworld with the brazen harshness of reality. Yet, what remains with me at the end of the movie are those poignant and oddly affecting richly detailed visuals. Hence this post is filled with them.

When I look back, what often resonates with real life for me is the storyline though. Set in a dreamland (does any of those settings look anywhere near reality? ), the movie paints in richer intricacy, the pining of Sakina for the mystery love of her life Imaan, ignoring the starry eyed devotion she receives from Raj aka Saawariya. Sakina is cloyingly sweet, achingly hollow and an innocent manipulator who plays with the tender feelings of the eternally optimistic Raj while allowing him to cling to the delusion of her love. I couldn’t credit her with one identity for she plays the hopeless romantic perfectly pining for her illusionary love at first sight, whilst transforming herself as a coy temptress in the presence of Raj bewitching him with her innocent yearning for the love unattained.

Fused identities, conflicting ideologies, stark contrasts between the imagined universe and the dark reality, and the never ending fight between idealistic yearning and realistic possibilities: these are the Saawariya movie’s recurrent themes. Yet, though this movie feels like a piece out of a dream sequence, some of those characters feel so darkly real. Engulfed in perplexity, I notice so many Sakinas’ in reality much to my discomfort. People bartering dreams for materialistic pleasures are one extreme, whilst those trading realistic positive encounters of finding selfless love for the lure of illusionary and obsessive yearnings is another extreme.

Sometimes when I chat with my peers, I can often imagine them trapped in their own multi dimentional wonderland awaiting for their Perfect Soulmates. Princesses and Damsels in distress living in fairytale world, yearning for their Prince Charming to ride to their rescue and sweep them off their feet, often failing to acknowledge that life is happening around them. Sometimes its so difficult to identify which group they belong to: people who are in love or people who are in love with the idea of being in love. Sometimes the bubble of illusion, that they comfortably ensconce themselves in, wouldn’t equip them for the real life experiences.

Whenever we swap ideas on the things that are meaningful to us in life, we realize that we are goaded either by instinct or intellect. Life is all about tough choices and we all choose based on our own value systems. I just hope that the fairy tale romantic notions doesn’t spoil people at their chances of serendipity. The lure of nihilism is a dark temptation that envelops us if we dwell in dreams and forget to live. The wait may be on, yet, lets not forget that no one is perfect: me, you, and all those prince charmings and the knights in shimmering armour are armed with our own limitations and idiosyncrasies. We might as well be better of rescuing ourselves from those clout of dreams and the deep schism that the intersection of these virtual and real worlds present.

I can only seal this piece of muse by quoting from my favorite song from Pardon Dolly:

““Watching the girl I’m reminded
she’s quite a lot like me
Trapped in the suburbs of wonderland,
lost in her own fantasy
Somehow my heart never grew up,
no one ever burst my balloon
So here I am swirling in star dust
slow dancing with the moon”





Knight In Shining Armor..

29 09 2007

Most of us want to get in touch with our emotional roots at some point of time, hope for that idealistic unconditional acceptance and love, would love to discover beauty, passion, love and joy over the expanse of life or are in search of the fairy tale romance and must have inevitably encountered one of those hard hitting setbacks. There must be times when we wished to loose the ability to feel, and prayed to turn to a stone that can’t hope, believe, cherish and love. Yet, we endure and sustain all those beautiful and sensitive feelings even while bleeding on the edge of practicality.

Can you guess why? There lives a dreamer in everyone, concealed in a flimsy cloak of sheer rational pragmatism. He lives on, standing tall during the test of times, saving himself from those calls of maturity which rely on martyrdom, working around his way when we are busy donning our own concocted masks to brace reality. I call him my knight in shining armor as he connects me to those fairy tale dreams and keeps my angels alive. Acknowledge his existence and he will add that much needed twinkle to life with hope and love.

(Photo Courtesy: http://www.sandboxstrat.com/2W_Blog_Knight.jpg )





Soulmate Thoughts..

18 09 2007

I have always loved Fairy tales. The Cinderella, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armour.. As I grew up, I resisted all those hard practicality knocks and held on to those dreams.. Somehow I always felt that there is this ideal soul mate made to order for me, who complements and completes me in the journey of love and life. Its tough at times to keep on hoping, not to melt those unspoken dreams at the test of times. Whenever I trade off those pieces of dreams for fragments of reality, it leaves a hollow in heart to accept that in life those little dreams may not take shape at all. That dream home can turn out to be a loveless cramped apartment, those peace filled surroundings are in actuality dull roads filled with roaring vehicles, that picture perfect world will end up as a portrait, and that ideal Mr. Right could turnout to be a frog..

Sometimes people can actually mess up and trample those treasure trove of yearnings and mock our dreams that we hold so dear. How I wish I can curse with all my might and force them to walk in my shoes to understand the hurt that they carelessly inflict. Sharing life, vision, dreams and memories with someone are like placing a hammer in the hands of people and begging them to hit us back. Yet we trust and hope with all fervor, suffer the wounds in private and face the world with renewed twinkle in eyes and rigor in action. Aren’t we amazing?

Yes just as Richard Kincaid says ”The old dreams were good dreams, they didn’t work out , but I am glad I had them”.

For now, its time for some reality bites! 🙂

“We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.”

-Richard Bach

When the glamour [of one’s marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only – . Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’. And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43





Of Agony and Ecstasy..

1 06 2007

Why those intense moments of agony and ecstasy have to be deeply personal? Why can’t we share those intensely passionate emotional moments with loved ones? Why would words fail us and the only company we long for is a deeply craved solitude? Why is the crow black!?





If Tomorrow Never Comes…

2 05 2007

I thought I would share my favorite song over here. I have loads of such songs, and this one steals the show for today!

This lyrics fascinate me as I sing them aloud in my heart.. They make me reflect on my priorities in life.. Though Ronan Keating refers to his sweetheart in this song, I would would say my love encompasses all those cherished people in life. Love forms the basis for all the relationships and I would count my blessings if those most precious people in my life accept me for what I am and know that I care for them.

Makes me wonder if I have been transparent in my feelings towards my loved ones, the most treasured people in my life : one who taught me that I could love someone so much: my sweet little Sister, my tower of strength: Mom, an eternal idealist: Dad, A life lived in values: my grand parents, and friends. Really, if tomorrow never comes, will they understand how much I loved or cared for them? Will they ever know how much of my life revolved around them, for their acceptance, love, care, concern and affection?

People ask me what’s important for me? Is it being a top notch, high flying executive someday or being there for my loved ones always? Throughout my life I am trying my best to strike that balance. Career is part of my life, my identity and my independence where as love is the basis on which my life runs. Guess the pride that my little sister has when she boasts that my sister will always pick my call no matter where she is, is of tantamount importance for me than some crucial corporate meeting any day. Coz, I believe in my capabilities of hunting a good job, but I am equally confident that I can never in my life time find a sweet, loving person like my sister. After all, family is family. Sounds like a cliche, yet I swear by it. The bond that ties us is not one of blood, but of respect and love. I respect, love, care, adore, dote them, and if God permits, I would love them more after my death as well!

I know this post has rather became a bit heavy.. Yet, I know that we hurt those whom we love most. In those moments of frustration and anger (which might have been caused by some dumb bloke in office who doesn’t matter in our life any way) we use them as our sounding boards, or misuse them to vent out our feelings. Next time, before you do such thing, pause, reflect and the judge the impact of your action. Tall Order, right? I know. I am still trying..

Thanks for being with me till now.. Enjoy the lyrics!

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Lyrics of “If Tomorrow Never Comes” By Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She’s lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

‘Cause I’ve lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there’s no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she’s my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you’re thinking of
If tomorrow never comes





Being Starry Eyed!

22 04 2007

Thats the world of Mush Heaven! Pulp Fiction, Romantic Comedies, Historical Romances or plain Mills and Boons.. Its good to indulge in them once in awhile, even as we prepare ourselves for the hard reality! I used put a lot of blame on M&Bs for my screwed up idea of Mr. Right, yet they give such a comfort zone, albeit for the sheer predictable rhythm of the story line! An ode to the age of sixteen, those times when life is Feckless, Quixotic, Starry-eyed, Utopian, Sparky and Wild.

My Mood longs for Pardon Dolly’s songs Today, as my heart dances in longing for the moon.. Somehow, this song of her brings memories of innocence, dreams and love! I just love humming these lyrics in my head! Hope you will join too!

****************

Sweet little cherry blossom, blooming before her time
Moving her lips to her favorite song, cherishing every rhyme
Swaying her hips to the rhythm, humming along with the tune
Lost in her own little dream world, slow dancing with the moon

Watching her I cannot help but go back in my mind
And suddenly I find I am 15 again
Slow dancing with the moon
Oh, the stars got in my eyes long time ago
And I’ve lived my life like a love sick clown
In a bittersweet cartoon
Just a dreamy-eyed kid slow dancing with the moon

Watching the girl I’m reminded she’s quite a lot like me
Trapped in the suburbs of wonderland, lost in her own fantasy
Somehow my heart never grew up, no one ever burst my balloon
So here I am swirling in star dust slow dancing with the moon

Still believe someday my wildest dreams will all come true
And I’ll find someone who’ll make me 15 again
But until then I’m slow dancing with the moon
Oh, the stars got in my eyes long time ago
And I’ve lived my life like a love sick clown
In a bittersweet cartoon
Just a dreamy-eyed kid slow dancing with the moon

Still a starry-eyed kid slow dancing with the moon

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