The Kite Runner…

“Now there is a way to be good again…

For you, a thousand times over.. “

And so those words sang in my head when I spent my time with Amir, Hassan, Baba and Sohrab. It been some time after ‘Gone With The Wind’ since a book has deeply stirred my emotions and swirled tears in my eyes.

‘The Kite Runner’ is in a way, a celebration of human spirit and life in all its totality. Filled with human vices and touching emotions like love, sacrifice, selfishness, envy, rivalry, guilt, loyalty, betrayal, cowardice, love-hate relationships, lies and redemption, this little work of fiction feels so much human in its element that it strikes a chord and leaves lasting impressions.

This book is about two brothers Amir and Hassan, who share a unbreakable binding vine of kinship and love despite their ethnic, social and religious differences, being reared by a father who loved them differently. Though the story is narrated by Amir in first person, its that idealistic sacrificial and loyal love that Hassan showers over Amir that tenderly tugged my heart. While wadding through Amir’s guilt and his escapist choices, somehow my bitterness and hatred towards Amir effaced into thin air towards the end of book, as he tries to live up to Hassan’s love and atones for his sins. I was enraged at Amir for his betrayal of Hassan, yet I couldn’t stop myself from forgiving him when he redeems himself from his fallacies by running for Sohrab’s kite. Made me wonder, if deeply moving love can make one raise up to its worth. Is that cosmic justice, or is it the flow of life? Aptly titled, this inherently beautiful tome left me aching for more and I am sure I would treasure this forever in my private collection.

Here are some Phrases/Quotes from the book that I enjoyed…

““… I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering it things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”

“She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you,’ and I said, ‘Hush up, now. Enough of this silliness.'”

“Because when spring comes it melts the snow one flake at a time, and maybe I just witnessed the first flake melting”

“”He knew I’d betrayed him and yet he was rescuing me once again, maybe for the last time. I loved him in that moment, loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone…”

“”I actually aspired to cowardice, because the alternative, the real reason I was running, was that Assef was right: Nothing was free in this world. Maybe Hassan was the price I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay, to win Baba. Was it a fair price? The answer floated to my conscious mind before I could thwart: He was just a Hazara, wasn’t he?”

There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft… When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. ”

“I thought about Hassan’s dream, the one about us swimming in the lake. There is no monster, he’d said, just water. Except he’d been wrong about that. There was a monster in the lake. It had grabbed Hassan by the ankles, dragged him to the murky bottom. I was that monster.”

“A boy who won’t stand up for himself becomes a man who can’t stand up to anything.”

“I throw my makeshift jai-namaz, my prayer rug, on the floor and I get on my knees, lower my forehead to the ground, my tears soaking through the sheet. I bow to the west. Then I remember I haven’t prayed for over fifteen years. I have long forgotten the words. But it doesn’t matter, I will utter those few words I still remember: La illaha il Allah, Muhammad u rasul ullah. There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger. I see now that Baba was wrong, there is a God, there always had been. I see Him here, in the eyes of the people in this corridor of desperation. This is the real house of God, this is where those who have lost God will find Him, not the white masjid with its bright diamond lights and towering minarets. There is a God, there has to be, and now I will pray, I will pray that He forgive that I have neglected Him all of these years, forgive that I have betrayed, lied, and sinned with impunity only to turn to Him now in my hour of need, I pray that He is as merciful, benevolent, and gracious as His book says He is. I bow to the west and kiss the ground and promise that I will do zakat, I will do namaz, I will fast during Ramadan and when Ramadan has passed I will go on fasting, I will commit to memory every last word of His holy book, and I will set on a pilgrimage to that sweltering city in the desert and bow before the Ka’bah too. I will do all of this and I will think of Him every day from this day on if He only grants me this one wish: My hands are stained with Hassan’s blood; I pray God doesn’t let them get stained with the blood of his boy too.”

A Testimonial Of Love…

Sometimes I wonder that’s what love in life is. Love and its longing weaves a lilting yearning in my life that I seldom pause to wonder at the magic of love that I subconsciously indulge in. Love that’s giving, love that can make a prophet, martyr or a seer out of a self centered person. Yet, at times I cant help but ponder if love is selfish. When those really close loved ones ask for a testimonial of love. I feel like saying that love is not a piece of cake where each may lay their claim. Yet, its that obligation of relationship that makes me play along. Especially when I really believe in the strength of their affection. Something in that mental makeup of mine votes for that obligation that springs from love over privatism(or the joy that results from celebtrating my individuality). May be, its true. We all change for the ones we love. 

True to my stars, I can seldom differentiate between love and friendship, as I think one feeds on another. Sometimes, I tilt much towards the latter, as it taught me how to give without expectations and about being there in times of need. Yet, if I have to sum life in a few words, its always family, friends and a chance of self-expression.

On Possessiveness and Love…

There is once a popular song in Hindi that sings that ‘Life Is A Song Of Love’.. Always made me pause and reflect. In our attempts to discover and reinvent life through the journey of love, guess many have been tugged by this emotion of possessiveness sometime. I hear many times about this rolling out as a candid confession in conversations. Guess everyone might have heard of this perspective, but when I came across it in my mail box, I couldn’t resist posting it. Coz, there are certain lessons and learnings in life, that demand conscious effort from our side to put them to practice.

****************************

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: “You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love.”

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand gently open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love. They try to posses, own, demand, and expect… and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

****************************

Sounds such a simple perspective, but how difficult to internalize! I have seen relationships collapse due to a possessiveness overdrive and power struggle. Well, we can never reason out our actions in relationships, but awareness always helps in defining our perspective. Love like joy and cheer is meant to be shared and isn’t limited like a piece of cake. Still, we feel as if we own the person and haggle for our share, how strange!

Reasoning With Life..

Sweetheart.. Reason it out.
Be Sensible. Apply Logic.

Does these terms sound familiar? I guess many of us prudent individuals have heard or said this quite often at times, however so futile the situation may seem. Let me be a candid confessor here. I have given up on logic in personal space. However mature I may feel or behave, I know that nothing works on reason or logic especially in relationships. Emotions stand for no reason and love heeds to no advice. Somehow I enjoy that drama that unfolds whenever we deal with relationships. Guess that sheer touch of madness is what makes us sane otherwise.

I have seen many individuals make a fool of themselves in their pursuits. And many more who build ego walls based on false premises to battle their affections. I wonder how many would ponder over this fact.. But when the judgment day arrives, we still count the number of lives we touched or the lasting bonds that we built as our accomplishments. Guess being on the top holds no worth if there are no one around to share the joy.. Yet, I guess our typical tendency is to pursue unworthy things with all fervor with disregard to those pursuing us. Hmmmm.. Reasoning with life never works..

In A Glass Paradise, I Shed..

all those miseries that I have seen for the future through those unspoken tears rolling over my eyes..

What hurt me was not the indifference of the world but the misinterpretation of my pal. Or is it that I am afraid to face the truth? Why do I feel the need or urge to justify myself, or explain myself that I am not what they think. Yet, I gave up.. Silence is the best answer for all those judgments that are meted out and those expectations that are set on me.

Coz, still I don’t have an easy answer to the mystery called me. Yet, its nice to have people around to whom I can be as nasty when I want to and pass all my moody zingers whenever I like..

Dunno why, yet its nice to to feel that I can still cry. I guess its ok to cry even when there is no reason. Its okay to bare one’s heart for those little disappointments and soul shattering experiences in life. They make me feel more human, especially when am tired of playing the big girl. Thank you tears, for being there when it mattered most. Hear me out, oh Mr. Gloominess.. You can visit me anytime, but only for a moment. Only to show me how wonderful the blue sky or the rosy tinted glasses are.. So do remember when u drop by my door for a brief hello.

Everyone thinks I am at a tricky phase of life. When it isn’t so? Things would seem as dark or light as I want them to be. Nothing shatters a dream than a compromise. I believe, hope and pray everyday to not see the light of a day when I had to negotiate with my life. I guess its tough life being a dreamer. 🙂 Even in a glass paradise, my eyes seek the vision of limitless blue sky and a bright rainbow. I can’t really help myself. That eternal optimist survives!

Skeletons in The Cupboard..

This is one of those persistent echoes from one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I relished and indulged in grandeur. How do we deal with broken dreams, unrequited love, and breach of trust? How do we handle with that muted voice of the Maverick that lies with in us? We all have our own little skeletons in our cupboards from past. Everyone emerges different from similar experiences depending on how they chose to deal with them.

One of friends’ shared with me his perspective one day. Since I know he wouldn’t mind, am quoting him verbatim.. “Heard “Ekla chalo re?” All of us are individuals, responsible for the fruits and pitfalls of our individual actions. Ever since I was a young, I hardly remember a time when I didn’t suffer from crush pangs. Grew up like that, got ditched a couple of times, but picked up the remnants and carried on. Anyway, you never know who is trustworthy and who is not. I trust everyone and no one. Even if I get ditched, I’m not affected, and if I am not, I’ll have won over someone. Life doesn’t play safe. You’d either be endangered or as safe as in Fort Knox.“

Some choose to live in profound confusion and conflict quagmire, finding it hard to let go of past and some are able to pick up the pieces and move on savoring life moment by moment. Whatever that we choose to do and how would we deal with the skeletons in the cupboard in the end is our personal choice. It’s about being comfortable with our thoughts, value systems and ourselves. What’s life if it’s not spiced with joy, mirth, sorrows, complexities, love, fun and friends? We all have our own wars to fight, storms to rage, dreams to conquer and dragons to slay. Sometimes we may end up with terrible wounds, raw pain, and shattered dreams. I heard someone saying Pain is Gain. How true! Life is a learning process for sure. Hold on to that inner spirit and enjoy the ride.

Embracing Imperfection..

These days I seem to be on a forwarding spree. Yet, I found it quite relevant to ponder upon. Some relationships are for keeps and they indeed effect us in many ways. I see many people going through some crisis or another on that front and unfortunately there is no degree to help you around that corner. Some balance, acceptance, semblance, accommodation and sensibility is demanded from us in such situations. Yet, often thats what we miss in an emotional situation. I like the idea of ‘accepting imperfections’ that resonates in this article by Deb Graham. Do enjoy.

*************************************

THE SECRET TO A LASTING MARRIAGE: EMBRACE IMPERFECTION

By Deb Graham

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned toast.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides, ­a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!”

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget. And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late… as usual… and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day — and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house — I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days; and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a “Thank you!” I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day.”

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad… how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching “Golf Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer’s dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We’ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work!

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults – and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences – is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

**************************************

Soulmate Thoughts..

I have always loved Fairy tales. The Cinderella, Prince Charming, and the Knight in Shining Armour.. As I grew up, I resisted all those hard practicality knocks and held on to those dreams.. Somehow I always felt that there is this ideal soul mate made to order for me, who complements and completes me in the journey of love and life. Its tough at times to keep on hoping, not to melt those unspoken dreams at the test of times. Whenever I trade off those pieces of dreams for fragments of reality, it leaves a hollow in heart to accept that in life those little dreams may not take shape at all. That dream home can turn out to be a loveless cramped apartment, those peace filled surroundings are in actuality dull roads filled with roaring vehicles, that picture perfect world will end up as a portrait, and that ideal Mr. Right could turnout to be a frog..

Sometimes people can actually mess up and trample those treasure trove of yearnings and mock our dreams that we hold so dear. How I wish I can curse with all my might and force them to walk in my shoes to understand the hurt that they carelessly inflict. Sharing life, vision, dreams and memories with someone are like placing a hammer in the hands of people and begging them to hit us back. Yet we trust and hope with all fervor, suffer the wounds in private and face the world with renewed twinkle in eyes and rigor in action. Aren’t we amazing?

Yes just as Richard Kincaid says ”The old dreams were good dreams, they didn’t work out , but I am glad I had them”.

For now, its time for some reality bites! 🙂

“We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard’s power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror: It’s us and our homemade masks.”

-Richard Bach

When the glamour [of one’s marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only – . Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’. And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

– J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43

Revisiting Bommarillu..

This movie stole the heart and thought of me and my family and is arguably one of the best family movies that have come in the recent times. I still cant forget the time that my mom insisted me to watch this movie and came to theater along with me to watch it second time, when she is hardly a movie goer herself. For record, its still the most watched movie at home.

We typically use movies like a cushion. We want to be coddled, relaxed and consoled from the stress of the daily life. Yet, if we forget for a while that we are watching a drama, these fictional characters feel more real than the actual living people. Some movies stay with us for that moment, some come revisit us in life in some aha moment and some live with us as beautiful memories. This one is a practical experience for me and hence I am collecting my two cents on this beautiful celluloid journey when the memory is still afresh.

As my friend puts it beautifully, experiences can rarely be reviewed. One can only feel and connect to the sensation it kindles. Bommarillu is a realistic portrait of the current day family relationships that catches the reflection of the current day Telugu Youth who is bonded to his family through love and respect and yet strives to creates his individual mark in this world. It beautifully deals with the relationships between parents and children in a fast paced society.

I cant resist sketching the plot though. Prakash Raj is this current day loving dad. The one who carries the entire family responsibilities on his shoulders and longs to create the perfect world to his family. In his pursuit to offer the best of everything, he unawaringly tries to design the life of his son Siddhu and offer all the comforts of life in a platter. Siddhu is not our regular hero. He wants to live upto his traditional loving family’s expectations and yet play the maverick, charm the Juliet and grit it out in the rough world to carve his own niche which cant be done under the glance of his over protective father. He dreams of a career of his own making and a life partner who inspires love and how our hero sets to win both is the theme.

Genelia lives the role of Siddhu’s love interest, the pretty, charming, child-like, talkative, pretense less Hasini. She breathes life into the placid life of the Siddhu who is burdened by his accommodating nature and is already engaged to a girl of his father’s choice. Living with a widowed father Kota Srinivasa Rao who is more of a friend, Hasini is our bubbly, charming and after my heart kind of college girl who is unaffected by the complexities of a joint family setup. I basked in her exuberance and frankness and reveled in her innocent convictions. She is my hero of the movie!

Prakash Raj discovers his son’s love story and being an accommodative father wants to adjudge Hasini and hence requests her presence at his home for a week. Hasini charms her way through Siddhu’s family and to her shock discovers the dual roles of Siddhu: One as a traditional Rama at home and the other as a carefree, individualistic Siddhu with friends. As Siddhu forces Hasini to live upto his image at home, Hasini dumps him. Siddhu has many battles up to his sleeve now. Will he chooses to keep up the pretense and play the perfect son or will he stands up for himself in a confrontation with his family forms the crux of the story.

The tag line is just apt. “Love Makes Life Beautiful”, which kind of sums up the entire struggle of Siddhu for unconditional love and individual identity. Love that accepts him as he is and not for what he can be. Love that cherishes, enriches and supports him without any demands and obligations. I can empathize with the accommodating Siddhu’s of the world, yet I can only respect them when they stand up on their spine and learn to say no.

In the end, it all falls back to an old quote, ” To say ‘I love you’ one must first know how to say the ‘I’ “. The movie raises some pertinent questions as well. Why do we pretend and lie to those who matter the most? Why are we afraid of sharing a piece of ourselves with our family? Is it a fear of rejection or the dread of loneliness? The movie brings out magnificently that avoidance is not a solution, personal space is vital in relationships and clarity in communication is essential in the journey of love. Love that inspires trust, acceptance and sets one free..

Reason, Season Or Lifetime

This is a beautiful piece thats written by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker on Relationships. I have received it as a forward longtime back and since then it kind of resonates in mind in times of need. Thought of sharing it with you all.

****************************************

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON. It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Reflections..

After a hectic travel to Hyderabad and after feeling totally exhausted, my fingers reached out automatically to record some reflections.. This weekend has been a tough one for me, yet being with family has always had a calming effect. I had my lessons on protocols, values, integrity and trust and I can’t even express how much my family has made me proud. 🙂 It always helps if we start counting blessings instead of curses and lessons instead of bad moments.

As per the saying goes, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you”, I guess my parents have lived up to that. Somehow I have taken for granted that transparency, fairness and integrity lies in all families, and people have little time to judge their family members in the journey of life. I had my wake up call.

Though emotions stand for little reason, its priorities and values that ask for brutal sacrifices. So the question is how much are you willing to sacrifice to be your own self? Thats what defines a person as he or she is.

As Bach says.. “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”

Some Funda for Longterm Marriage

I can see some people smiling their heart out, yet if its not late for you yet, do read.. This article has a ring of truth for it. Certain things that he points out are quite pertinent, and are quite useful if you preparing for an arranged marriage. My own two cents on Marriage is that do be yourself, and let your partner be him/herself too. If you can discover compatability and can cherish eachother, there you have concocted your own magic formula!

************

Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A. a relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love.” I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

Though this may sound not politically correct, there’s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding & keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1
Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life – bottom line – & marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished” or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.
How can you test?
Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing.”
So ask about your significant other. What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they’ll have gratitude for you-who can’t do nearly as much for them!
Do they gossip & speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5
Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve” them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it, “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage … for the worse!” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn’t do your homework!

****************

I see that a successful marriage becomes a piece in any ordinary person’s dream of perfect life. We live by instinct and sometimes we can really sniff those Ms ya Mr perfect out in really no time. Sometimes we succumb to tradition or reality and rely on the customary route. Whatever is the situation with you, do get your priorities and equations balance right. Love flows from heart, but making marriage work is a matter of heart, tact, expectations and life. Wish you the very best!

Life Rolls in Patterns..

Sometimes it just feels so right to listen to heart. Sometimes you indulge so much in the beauty of the moment only to realize that its sanctity can be destroyed by simple interpretations. Sometimes you stifle the voices of conventional wisdom and get carried away only to realize that age old sayings have come true..

Advice is the easiest thing to dispense, I wonder how many are takers though. Yet, you rushed ahead based on your instinct only to hit the dead end.. You have so many people to flaunt that lyrical ‘I told you So’ with an ironically compassionate whisper which may do little to assuage that nagging pain in heart. You may want to create something beautiful and alas you ended up with the old frame thats etched in your memory.. Memories never die, they just repaint themselves in new colors to flaunt and haunt again.

Sometimes it so happens that you make certain choices which prove bitter and then when you walk along the path of life, you have this dejavu kind of scenario where everything is back to square one and you may have to choose again. Have you ever wondered that you have done that one that you have always dreaded to do? Sometimes priorities and choices weigh more than feelings and when you respect the stand you take, there is little chance that you get space to sit and brood over spilled milk.

Nothing remains pristine over the passage of time.. You get tough and when you wake up to a new sunrise, your area of focus changes. One can’t really change their basic nature, can they? Guess one can find patterns whereever they look.. Life is what we make out of it.. Let it roll in patterns or take the wildest route possible.. I can still have a choice in deciding what glasses to wear.. I am content as long as I have my voice and attitude alive and kicking..

Tales of Pleasant Truths..

Do you lie? Tricky question, isn’t it? Do you ever conceal a part of truth to save the feelings of your loved ones? Did you ever take a guilt trip later on? Guess I have always been a champion of truth, frankness and honesty..Yet, I believe in pleasant truth! Irony indeed! I have always measured people by the bar of openness and warmth that they exude. I may respect the real stiff types yet I love those flexible, approachable people who wear their heart on sleeve.

Sometimes it may even happen that we have never set any boundaries for some relationship.. That may lead to complicated situations when they try to intrude into your private space. You can only blame your attachment towards them.. Ideal kind of relationships exist in very rarely.. Why do we make an abstraction of truth when it can be our best defense? It’s probably because we may not always appreciate the distinction between Expression and Explanation. One comes out of volition and other out of demand. It’s not that people evade when they lack trust. Reciprocation can never be done in the way it’s expected to be done. What may seem like transparency to you may seem like encroachment to someone else. If I expect something, it’s my problem. If I long for poetic justice then there is a definite mismatch between how things are and how I want them to be.

Sometimes we may sport this paternalistic attitude towards loved ones which may make us feel the need to be in control and weigh every word we say. The question out here is if we share with people we care for, it makes us more open and vulnerable. I just say whatever comes into my mind or heart.. But if people start to analyze, dissect and interpret everything I say, that would force me to be diplomatic, distant and be politically correct. You reveal only as much you want t, you make an new truth by sharing those pieces which seem harmless. How correct is that attitude? How good is pleasant truth anyways?

A Special Visit By A Little Friend!

Yesterday, we had a special visitor at our home. I was all pious and am reading a hindu religious tome called Gurucharitra (Courtesy: Mom) and then there she is, gracing my bed corner and sitting royally on my pillow. I went hesitantly by her side and she breezily jumped on to my fingers. Such a tender little young sparrow… I loved the feel of her on my hand!

I called out for my sister to shut all the fans off in the house. She rushed by my side with a name ready for my little friend. She called her Bittu over the name of her lost friend and bought Kaju Barfi and a bowl of water to greet her. Me and my sister were really fussing over this little visitor and my mom rushed in with loads of warm advice.

‘Let her go, her family would find her’

‘Place her in front of mirror so that she would preen’

‘Hunt for her parents, they must be searching for her’ and so on..

I felt a lot of swirling emotions inside me. I know that its a cruel thing to hold her and that it may damage her plumage. I let her go and then I realized that she is a proper kiddo and cant fly more than a short distance. I was concerned and scared for her. Well, that particular childhood memory of a little sparrow getting hurt due to a fan while flying didn’t comfort me either. I scooped her on my palm and went out to take a walk around the home. Hey, her parents are waiting for her on the big fat tree thats in front of my home. Bittu flew to her parents side and the whole family is squeaking again! Capturing that tender moment, me and my sis ran inside and gave a real bear hug to Mamma.

Finally everybody is home to their loved ones! 🙂

Moments of Quiet Laughter..

Well, on an impulsive moment (guess must be some divine insight!), my dad has decided that I need a makeover! He picked up a comb and went into business!

I thought that’s an incredibly sweet moment,
Especially when my dad is at his creative best, concocting some utterly comic coiffures..
Especially when mom is trying to be politely encouraging when all she wanted to do is roll in gales of laughter,
Especially when I was confused in deciding the expression: do I laugh at the outcome or be indignant that my hairstyle is commented upon..
Especially when the mirror is reflecting this affectionate domestic scenery where two people are dying in quiet laughter watching the touching concentration and crinkled expression on the face of my dad!

The Great Indian Family!

Today I chanced to see Om Jai Jagdish, a hindi movie that’s centered on the love and affection among three brothers (Om, Jai and Jagdish) in a highly romantic Indian setting. It’s a beautifully crafted Indian movie, which brings out the positive and the idealistic side of a principled family whose love and affection for one another is second to none. Waheeda Rahman is a widow who brings up her three sons in her family estate with lots of love and affection. Anil plays the role of a non-imposing, ever-loving and self-sacrificing big brother character pretty well and Abhishek Bachchan practically lives the role of a carefree young brother. Well, one could always say that it’s just another feel good sort of movie with a clichéd ending that love alone will be triumphant. Yet, the fact that I have watched it a couple of times and yet I stuck glued to the television shows how much I loved that movie.

It made me ponder on the values that Indian family setting imbibes in an Individual. Also, this movie highlights the attachment that a family has for the family home. It rings quite true for me, as when you grow up or live in a house which we call home, its not just brick and mortar anymore. It houses our fond memories and is a living reminder of the beautiful joys in life.

Its true that there is subtle politics that comes into play in a joint family kind of environment, where one has to be socially correct and politically appropriate to those relations involving authority or power.. It could be your grand dad with a cane in his hand or it could be your mother in law with an indirect nag. Pretenses to be maintained, respect to be kept. Yet, all these people carry a weight of responsibility which may be big for their shoulders. Being figureheads or the actual Dons of the family, they may have to keep their family’s interest above theirs at most of those times. And they play it with so much ease, as if they are honored to live the responsibility at any cost! It all comes for a price!

I don’t know whether people in Indian family settle for one another. Yet, I know that love and trust comes so easily to us. We accept people in all totality with such gullible warmth, mother them with over flowing concern and ensconce them with love and affection. The fiercely passionate way in which each family stands for one and one for all is worth paying a tribute for. Long live family culture!

Of Agony and Ecstasy..

Why those intense moments of agony and ecstasy have to be deeply personal? Why can’t we share those intensely passionate emotional moments with loved ones? Why would words fail us and the only company we long for is a deeply craved solitude? Why is the crow black!?

Complexities of Unrequited Love..

That can sure cause quite a turmoil in the heart. My idea of love is still evolving, and probably it would enhance with passage of time as I learn from heart’s journeys. Yet, coursing through the experiences of life, entangled in the tales of love has made me appreciate the labyrinthine maneuvering of tortuous emotions.

Makes me wonder how the definitions of love change with time. At times, it could be courting, flirting or a simple companionship. It could be attraction, affection or an intrinsic need for completeness. Sounds quite like an convoluted journey, isn’t it?

Living through the tales of unrequited love made me wonder what creates that plethora of entangled emotions. Is that incompatible expectations, or unjustified emotions? Is it incongruous personalities or mismatched priorities? Whatever could be the real reason, they sure leave a trail of broken feelings, of bleeding hearts exposed for hurt…

Rise in love, fall in love, broken hearts and mended feelings.. Cliches really have a way of putting things in a poetic fashion! We may turn up cynical and may put in practical outlook, we may lock ourselves in shells with once bitten twice shy attitude, or go with the traditional flow. We may even lick those wounds in private and avow never to trust or place ourselves in vulnerable situations! Its interesting to go through the emotional roller coaster as we come out stronger, richer and wiser after the experience.

Love is enchanting experience and our entire life rolls in the process of discovering it. So what if a prospective partner doesn’t reciprocate your tender feelings? Caught in the spell of love is magical enough. Adoring expectantly, acting irrational, waiting upon for hours, getting all decked up, walking in the clouds, reading poetry together, getting bewitched by the expressive eyes, awaiting approval, spending hours on phones, those times of missed calls and long messages, small fights and big make ups, teasing from friends and crib sessions.. Don’t they form a treasured collection of cherished memories?

Live in the moment, savor the experience, sour higher in the depth of the emotions and learn to relish life in totality. Appreciate the experience for the heck of it! Imagine how boring life would be, if everything happens the way we wish it to be..There ain’t no charm in predictability! Requited or unrequited, there is a purpose hidden beneath.. Our soul goes deep like those dark ancient rivers as we wade through highs and lows of life. Well, I hear my dreamy self rambling again!

Raising A Toast!

Yesterday, I spent hours on phone, taking a trip down the memory line, recounting those inane moments, simple joys, reflections and contemplations, purposeless guilt trips and silly hobbies. I really learn a think or two when I am engrossed in an enriched conversation. Its when you bring in thoughts together and let it examined from an another perspective that you learn to appreciate the differences. Its at those times that I learn a bit about myself too.

What a breather it was! To have a simple purposeless conversation, to have someone to walk by your side, to have an enriching companionship, enjoying the sheer lack of expectations! I wanted to raise a toast for all those special and beautiful moments of life.. which make me feel alive, complete, loved and true..

An Ode To those moments of comfortable silence, of slow dancing in the rain, wild journeys in the woods, watching sunset with friends, catching the laughter of the loved ones, falling asleep with soothing music, being comfortably numb, beauty of nature’s carpet, of moments of predictable rhythm, of whacky adventures and warmth of loved ones..

I sign off as someone’s quote ringing in my head echoing that, The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched … but are felt in the heart!

In Search of a Soulmate..

Did you ever feel that you were missing someone you have never met? Richard gets this right, when he writes this in “The Bridge Across Forever”. This is the book which I love for putting a complex emotion like love in elegant and beautiful manner. Another one which I loved is “Love Story” by Erich Segal.

There is a need for someone in life, who can stand by you through thick and thin. It’s just not the despair that you can’t brave this world alone. It’s a nagging feeling of being incomplete, a desire to be unconditionally loved, and longingness for completion and compatibility. Big words and I wonder if they can ever be true.

Do you believe that a Mr. or Miss Perfect exists for you? I do. For me, life is a journey of adventures, a path of struggles, a valley of joys, small pleasures and little achievements, of failures and learnings, of longing and emptiness, of triumphs and patience: all packed in a mission to discover LOVE and a desire to reinvent oneself in a growing feeling of warmth and affection of the loved ones.

What do I expect from my Mr. Right? A person who respects my independence and freedom of thought and action, who never tries to lead my life as his own, and is sensitive and sensible to my character. Seems like a tall order, isn’t it? But who knows, I might even get lucky! The only thing that shatters dreams is a compromise; hence, I will close my eyes and resign myself to sleep.

Friends!!!

Friends give a reason to smile! They are like a mild refreshing breeze over the boredom of life. What else can I say about them? They spice up life!

Life in Chennai would be a big BORE if not for a few good friends that I have. Life has become so comfortable as I have people around me who would lend an ear whenever I need someone to talk to. My job has become pretty routine and since I am still in training, I get good amount of leisure time which I chat my way through. If not for my friends, I would have gone half insane with the mechanical interaction that I have with my desktop in the office. How many times do I wish that this dumb computer can talk and write. Let me tell you guys, even if you have unlimited internet access and a computer dedicated to you, its quite boring to spend your time looking at the screen. I feel drained out in the end of the day, even if I did exactly nothing! I just can’t wait to get into the real work.

I am happy as I have a few good friends around. Some are working in the same company, so they can understand the situation in a much better manner. But then, the conversations during official hours is much much different than what you can have during evenings. Well, thanks to the so called corporate professionalism! I just shudder to this world devoid of friends.. Hope that day never comes in life! Long live friendship!!

Tuesdays with Morrie…

An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom

At times you long for a mentor or a coach to guide you through the life’s ups and downs. You long for an ear to listen and a hand to show the world and the way to make our own way. Here the student is Mitch Albom and the coach is his college professor Morrie Schwartz.

Mitch Albom rediscovered Morrie, who is dying due to a fatal disease, in the last months of the older man’s life. Morrie is suffering from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), an unforgiving disease of the neurological system, which debilitates the body slowly. Knowing he was dying, Morrie visited with Mitch in his study every Tuesday, which resulted in lessons in how to live. It celebrates the undying human spirit and its quest to learn and grow. He talks about love, joy, compassion, warmth, family, relationships, culture, society in such a disarmingly simple manner that you feel as a part of the conversation wondering about Morrie’s depth of understanding of life.

Morrie says, “We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of — unconditional love, unconditional caring. Most of us didn’t get enough.” Morrie has something to say about those who want to be young again. He says that’s a reflection of a life that hasn’t found meaning. He says if you’ve found meaning you don’t want to go back, and you can appreciate the 23 year old in you, the 35 year old and the 62 year old.

Morrie emphasizes on cultivating relationships, touching people with genuineness and honesty, sharing warmth, affection and love. People tend to see each other as dissimilar rather than alike. In reality we all have the same needs. We are remembered by how we touched other’s lives rather than the bank balance we have.

The book inspires as I am not only soaking his wisdom, but I am also being a part of his experience of death. In his words, he is fortunate enough to know he is dying, to take stock of his life as it comes to an end. Understanding dawned in me that it is that in learning how to die, we learn how to live. If I accept the inevitability of my own death, then I can live my life free of trivial worldly concerns. Albom includes you in Morrie’s journey of life and it’s sure a book which makes you laugh, cry and makes you learn about life along the way.

The Binding Vine..

The Binding Vine written by Sashi Deshpande is the narration of Urmi, who was grieving over the death of her baby daughter and surrounded by the loving care of her mother, Inni and her childhood friend and sister-in-law, Vanna. Through her grief, Urmi is drawn into the lives of three very different women. As the stories of these women unfold, so does a tale of quiet courage and strength.

The first woman Urmi is drawn to her long-dead mother-in-law, Mira who exists only in the notebooks she has left behind, discovered by chance in a dusty storage trunk. Mira’s journals and poetry reveal the pain of a vibrant young woman trapped in an unhappy arranged marriage, and of a gifted writer whose work, because she is a woman, must remain shrouded in secrecy and silence. Then there is Kalpana, the survivor of a brutal rape and a young woman who has also been silenced. As she hovers between life and death in a hospital ward, Kalpana is watched over by her impoverished mother, Shakutai, with whom Urmi forms an unlikely bond of mutual comfort. The lives of three women who are “haunted by fears, secrets, and deep grief” are bound together by strands of life and hope—a binding vine of love, concern, and connection that spreads across chasms of time, social class, and even death.

Memories from the past stray to Urmi’s mind and a journey to the past helps Urmi uncover mysteries about herself, but not her past alone: “The past is always clearer because it is more comprehended”. One theme that was stressed in her book is rape – both as a random violent act and within marriage. The disgrace is not the girl’s, the disgrace is the criminal’s. That is not how it is. It’s really the dilemma which Urmi, the narrator, faces because, if she makes it public, it’s possible the family is going to be affected, and if she does not, you know it’s like saying the woman is the one who is in disgrace, who has done wrong.

When Bhaskar, a doctor in the hospital, raises the question of why it’s so important for women to marry, his question is raised right after Shakutai pleads with Bhaskar not to release the report of rape because it would ruin Kalpana’s chance of marriage. In his eyes, she is focusing on false significance. She should be more concerned with the fact that her daughter is lying in a hospital bed unconscious. Reputation becomes everything for a woman.

The issue that has mattered the most is the conflict between the idea women have of themselves and the idea that society imposes on them of what being a woman is. And there’s a struggle to conform to this image, the guilt when you can’t do that. Though, the characters are women, they represent the human being lurking inside. And that human being is often a lonely one though not one who is alone. It is a loneliness deep rooted in their souls. It is a result of being honest with oneself.

A question Urmi often asks herself is why does she feel the need to forget her dead daughter? Women are tied to their children, and the binding vine, as written by Mira, signifies the umbilical cord to which mother and child are physically connected. Urmi is emotionally numb in the beginning after the realization that her daughter is really gone: “what’s broken cannot be mended” She learns, however, that pains can be mended after she learns to reach out to those who need to find their own strengths.

Shakutai’ s decision towards the close of the book, to reveal the truth about her daughter’s rape gives her a new sense of liberation. The Binding Vine beautifully brings about the feelings, which are left unspoken in the Indian women, and shows the pursuit of love in their journey of life. It’s a triumphant story of victory and defeat, when women find their voices.

Familiarity, does it actually breed contempt?

Well, as it happens I fail to see the wisdom in the sentence “familiarity breeds contempt”. I strongly opine, familiarity doesn’t breed contempt.. It actually encourages companionship.

My idea of life and priorities:

I prefer to say that I value brutal frankness in any relationship and freedom.. the freedom to share what ever you feel.. and the relationship should be pure that you can share your feelings.. and in the same way, you should respect other’s feelings and opinions… This calls for mutual dependency, which is really rare in Indian settings.. Ever wonder why it happens? It is because of the long barriers erected among people on basis of hierarchy, modesty and what not? If I cant really express what I feel to my dad, why the hell do I need one, just to provide for my pocket?

My theory of origin for contempt:

I think that basically contempt arises from familiarity because people play games with others.. According to me, every person is insecure. And added to that, he is a social animal… He needs company to survive and to feel that he is alive, but he doesn’t want others to control him.. at this stage, its fine.. the problem arises when he tries to control others.. Here, let me distinguish between power of control and power of love..

When you have the power of control over someone, you feel safe because you know the limits of the game, you know the weaknesses of the person and you bask at the power you have on him.

In the other case, in the power of love, you give the other person an equal change to decide and here power you have on him depends on the value he places on your relationship, which is always uncertain… Correct me if I am wrong. Since the uncertainty and the chances that you lose are high, no one cares to really love anyone, love for the person’s sake.. So people commonly try to lay their own rules and establish their own domains and hierarchy of control. It is because it makes them feel safe and secure..

Finally, its not the familiarity which breeds contempt but the way in which we establish and maintain relationships, the little ways in which we play games with ourselves and with the world.. Think on it..

Marriage- A funny role play!

People marry because they want to become secure.. To feel that they can come home to someone.. And also they own certain rights on the other person which guarantees a certain commitment. I have absolutely no issues on the reasons as to why people marry and I do believe in the institution of the marriage, but I just want to be a little bit critical about it.

Marriage becomes intolerable when people cant transgress the boundaries of the relationships and do a role play which may not gel with their real personalities. Yes I do agree that rules and unwritten norms do exist but then one has to know when to come out of them. If wife has to take the role of a wife and husband has to act like one, wife has to please the other person and she has to adjust and mould according to him. And the husband bechara has to appear strong, and he has to defend his territory ,no? That’s the basic reason why men don’t like to come into kitchen- that’s wife’s job. The guy may feel as if he is ran down by 1000 trucks, but he has to put a brave face and be pleasant, why is that hypocrisy? What do one ultimately expect of life? The big joke is he thinks its because he loves his family, which is okay with me, but he ultimately deceives himself with an entirely wrong notion of love where he actually wants control over his family!

Even I long to feel secure, I don’t want to lose my identity, independence and freedom: My spirit and enthusiasm which basically define my identity. May be I live in an idealistic world fantasizing that there is a person for me who will respect my identity. But if I like to have a realistic picture, is it really possible? I find that hope is a painful thing as it paints a romantic picture out of draconian surroundings.

Well,love should make life worthwhile..You grow by it. You learn the fun of giving and taking. One has to be aware of the role play and the unmentioned boundaries they set for themselves. Understanding the unwritten norms leads to awareness and helps in creating mature relationships. Am I being dreamy? If so that’s the way I am!

Expectations n Relationships!

It may happen with us that I may want the company of the person without whom I cant live or my life may seem incomplete. But it can also be true that later I may feel constrained in the relationship or my illusions may get shattered. Well all I want to say is the real culprit here is my mind. It makes expectations, and creates an aura or image of an ideal person whom I want, without any connection to the real person. And all the life I may try to fit that person into that image. No wonder there are ripples in the relationship. Here what I have to consider first is whether I am flexible and open enough to consider and understand the person as he is? Or else that perfect marriage with a perfect person would be nothing but a MIRAGE. Think about it!

Actually, expectations in relationships increase because of repeated behavior of the other person and also on your own emotional attachment with her. But,when you have expectations, you are bound to be either satisfied or dissatisfied. The way you react will alter the relationship, and may even constrain it when you try to restrain or bound the other person. Well, I guess you can be aware of the expectations you have and hence so you can actually discover the joy of the relationship.

Everyone may share different perspectives, but I can at least examine my own assumptions as I don’t think that expectations form the basis of relationships. Well, there may be an inherent need to associate with others, still will it lead to expectations? May be I have to look in myself..

Herd Mentality n Relationships!

Its always easy to go along with the herd and let your decisions made by others. Now the million dollar question is why I want to be in the herd? The real culprit is the barter system in the society which is nurtured in the home. Remember the days when you get scolding if you scored less in some exam? Don’t you act the way you never wanted just to please another person? Now why all these happens? Its because you want to be secure, you want to feel loved and needed and you think that the other person would do that if you mould yourself with his or her expectations..

Now tell me, then are you being true to yourself? Haa, here comes the guilt cycle. Because you will start lies and cheating as you will want acceptance from the other person and also your own personal freedom, and hence it makes you guilty.. Here this guilty feeling makes you angry, frustrated as you feel that you are incompetent or incomplete as you cant fulfill the other person’s expectations on you. Wow! Now you will start judging yourself by things you do or things which you cant do.. But tell me, are actions a measure of the person? Is it necessary to get good gift to feel loved?

Relationships, What do they mean to me? They influence my life in great deal and for me they are a means to discover myself as life is not about living like a hermit, right? Happiness lies in being true to oneself and to the relationships I value, that’s where the essence of life is!