Antargange Trek..

Pure Exhiliaration is the word of the day. Thanks for the insistence of a sweet pal, which made me head for this trek instead of watching ‘Dasavatharam’ or indulging in window shopping.

This is the first time that I tried ‘Bangalore Mountaineering Club’ and I must say that I am pleasantly surprised by the experience. We boarded the bus at 8 AM at K.R. Puram busstop and I was surprised to see 50 plus people in the bus, given the short notice. I guess the quality of the companionship in the group made all the difference to this trekking experience.

The trip started with around 90 minutes of bus journey from Bangalore to reach Kolar. We caught up with the breakfast at ShanthiSagar in Kolar which is around 3 km from the ‘Antargange’ location. We reached the place in no time and there was a pack of stairs leading up to the temple. We were welcomed by loads of monkeys, and the pleasant sunny breeze warmed us for the trek ahead.

We reached the Antargange temple after a little climb of stairs, and I already had doubts forming in my mind, if the trek actually is over before it even began. The temple is filled with serene silence and the group is abuzz with action for the impending climb. Making the temple as our base camp, we started the trek with Janak playing the lead trekker and Neeraj trailing to support the cozy climbers.

The path is paved with sand, rock, thorns and the sun, in his blazing glory, wasn’t playing the good Samaritan. Yet, undaunted, many were climbing ahead, one step at a time, in a quiet determination to discover the terrain. I really marvelled at the energy of the crowd in climbing and cave exploring in the region. By noon, we reached the peak of a mountain(if I can call it that) and were ready to go for cave exploration after a relaxed lunch on the peak of a mountain by the side of a small brook filled with chilled water. Cold feet takes a different meaning when you get to rest by dipping feet in chilled water on the top of a mountain in sooting breeze after a hectic trek uphill.

The beauty of mingling with a group in an organized trek, is the sheer experience of encountering different people with different choices and interests. There would be some exploring the untrodden path, some who would take time around to smell the roses and savour the scenary around, while some who run ahead in childlike enthusiam of scaling the peak ahead only to discover that there is no dearth of rocks. Everyone discovering his or her own private definition of solitude and enjoyment amidst wilderness and sun.

If the climb uphill through the rocks in no definite path was a journey on its own, filled with a different thrill of navigating through the boulders that challenge your endurance, the cave exploration post lunch unleashed the childlike exuberance of discovering the unknown. Armed with a naive faith that the dark holds no terror, we all went through the natural caves, to discover our own recess for solitude amidst the mammoth rocks that are resting since centuries. Those rocks filled with small crevices are loaded with umpteen challenges. Often, finding a way ahead in the maze of boulders becomes daunting as the chances of hitting a dead end means reinventing the wheel once again. The wild flowers with their gentle fragrance, and the natural caves with their cold soothing embrace did offer some sanctury against the sultry weather. We did learn some gymnastics, prodding ourselves though the closely nested rocks to reach no definite destination in an easy pace.

The view from the top is breath taking! Enveloped by sand, rock, sky and sun, the town of Kolar looks serene and calm. All I could feel was numbing contentment. With so many people sharing the joy of experience, the thought that lingered in that moment was, ‘who said its lonely at the top?’. I was in for a treat while getting down. We discovered a small well with pristine sweet water and I relived the fantasy of a village gal by drawing water from the well and enjoying its sweet taste in primitive fashion. With loads of memories and sated satisfaction, we headed for Bangalore playing Antakshari enroute with the new found pals. We sealed off the day with a quiet dinner at Malgudi and bid our farewell. I had my much needed break, and I confess this, even though the after effects of the trek still remain in my hoarse throat and aching muscles.

Matters of Insignificance…

My morning calm was perturbed by a really insignificant matter today. For those who know me only through this online medium, one of my queer little idiosyncrasies include punctuality. The time on my watch is always 10 minutes ahead, and on the top of it, I try to make it five minutes in advance to the Time I have in mind. So, if I plan for an 7:30 AM morning walk to office, negotiations are rarely allowed.

Most (almost all) of my mornings are heavily dosed with a random discipline of adherence to some schedule, which sounds logical only through retrospective justification. And so was today. My dependence on another person delayed my morning walk at 7:30 by 40 minutes which took me through a phase of disquiet and I ended up taking the cab instead. Just because there was a mismatch between what happened and what I had scheduled to happen, I was jolted out of my composure and couldn’t appreciate the beauty of the moment.

Learning to live in the beauty of the present seems like an eternal pursuit indeed.

My Ebook Collection…

As I have promised, here is the list of the ebooks from the TIME top 100 Novels list that I have in my personal collection. If you are interested in having any of these,just click on the name for the rapidshare link, or  just drop me a comment with your email ID, and I would be able to email the book for you.

A disclaimer here: I am encouraging the usage of Ebooks indeed, though I would prefer the silent rapture of being immersed in a physical book any day. Yet, if we look at the availability and access to these modern classics, most of these are rare treasures that are hard to come my way over a breezy shopping fest. And I don’t believe that these 100 Novels are the best of the literature ever produced, for some of my most cherished books like Life Of Pi, Alchemist, Kite Runner, The Stranger, Fountain Head, Alice In Wonderland are still treasured even if they are not hailed in any literary short lists. However, I still see this as an opportunity to discover new worlds that are ensconced in these books.

I am hoping to update this list, as and when I acquire more books. If you come across any of the books that are not listed here and are part of the TIME collection, please do share.

For the lucky ones for whom this link works, all the below books can be downloaded as a single file.

1. The Adventures of Augie March By Saul Bellow
2. American Pastoral By Philip Roth
3. An American Tragedy By Theodore Dreiser
4. Animal Farm By George Orwell
5. Appointment in Samarra By John O’Hara
6. At Swim-Two-Birds By Flann O’Brien
7. Atonement By Ian McEwan
8. Beloved By Toni Morrison
9. The Big Sleep By Raymond Chandler
10. The Blind Assassin By Margaret Atwood
11. Blood Meridian By Cormac McCarthy
12. Brideshead Revisited By Evelyn Waugh
13. The Bridge of San Luis Rey By Thornton Wilder
14. Catch-22 By Joseph Heller
15. The Catcher in the Rye By J.D. Salinger
16. A Clockwork Orange By Anthony Burgess
17. The Crying of Lot 49 By Thomas Pynchon
18. Death Comes for the Archbishop By Willa Cather
19. A Death in the Family By James Agee
20. Gone With the Wind By Margaret Mitchell
21. Gravity’s Rainbow By Thomas Pynchon
22. The Great Gatsby By F. Scott Fitzgerald
23. A Handful of Dust By Evelyn Waugh
24. A House for Mr. Biswas By V.S. Naipaul
25. I, Claudius By Robert Graves
26. Infinite Jest By David Foster Wallace
27. Invisible Man By Ralph Ellison
28. Light in August By William Faulkner
29. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe By C.S. Lewis
30. Lolita By Vladimir Nabokov
31. Lord of the Flies By William Golding
32. The Lord of the Rings By J.R.R. Tolkien
33. Midnight’s Children By Salman Rushdie
34. Money By Martin Amis
35. Mrs. Dalloway By Virginia Woolf
36. Naked Lunch By William Burroughs
37. Neuromancer By William Gibson
38. 1984 By George Orwell
39. On the Road By Jack Kerouac
40. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest By Ken Kesey
41. Pale Fire By Vladimir Nabokov
42. A Passage to India By E.M. Forster
43. Portnoy’s Complaint By Philip Roth
44. The Power and the Glory By Graham Greene
45. Slaughterhouse-Five By Kurt Vonnegut
46. The Sound and the Fury By William Faulkner
47. The Sun Also Rises By Ernest Hemingway
48. Things Fall Apart By Chinua Achebe
49. To Kill a Mockingbird By Harper Lee
50. Tropic of Cancer By Henry Miller
51. Watchmen By Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
52. White Noise By Don DeLillo
53. To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
54. Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry
55. Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
56. Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett
57. The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles
58. Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis
59. Play it as it Lays by Joan Didion
60. The Moviegoer by Walker Percy
61. Rabbit, Run by John Updike
62. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark

P.S. For those who are list hungry, Susheel shared 1001 books list, which can also be found here. Worth checking out.

The Fires Within..

When Was The Last Time That I Did Something For the First Time?

I attended a dance performance by Natyalakshana, called ‘The Fires Within’ which was sponsored by Bosch Cultural Events at Chowdaiah Memorial Hall this Friday. For those who were wondering about my new found interest in traditional art forms, I have to ascribe due credit to those unconventional inspirations that result from boredom.

And how glad I was that my whim took me there. How I thanked my friends for their exotic and audacious suggestion to take me there! The show was a beautiful symphony of music, dance and art, where flying feet gave voice to age old legends. The legendary poems represented are selected verses from Rabindranath Tagore’s ‘Gitanjali’, Bharathiyar’s ‘Dikku Theriyada Katil’ and a few selection of Mirza Ghalib’s poetry in Kathak. I loved the ‘Dikku Theriyada Katil’ and Ghalib’s poetry representation, where I felt that the dancers delivered a magnificent justice to the poems.

Shama and Sanjay’s ‘Dikku Theriyada Katil’ and Hari and Chandana’s ‘Mirza Ghalib piece’ had a delicate balance of perfection and expression and they held me in rapture through out. The dance drama that followed, called Tagore’s ‘Tasher Desh’ was a little bit disappointing, but the blame rests with my expectations which reached the sky by the end of the first two performances. If I have to define the experience, words would surely fail me as I am running short of superlatives. I could never realize that poetry could be so brilliantly enticing and soul wrenching. I was swaying in a world, so out of myself and the feeling is liberating. I believe that the credit of those beautiful moments goes to those on back stage as well. A special mention for Usha Venkateshwaran, the director of Natyalakshana who choreographed and produced the dances. Simone for the wonderful sway of lights and Sri Gurumurthy and Ustad Faizal Khan for their mellifluous music.

This event did make me reflect on my opinions towards conventional art forms. For to achieve perfection in blending, a music so divine, a dance that lent life to poetry and expressions that tugged heart, it must either have been Divine’s grace or years’ practice. It did teach me a thing or two about the immense beauty that’s submerged in Indian tradition and art. Like a welcome summer rain, my heart kissed the joy and danced along enticed in the magical world of dance, music and poetry. A worthy life long memory that’s for me for keeps.

Here are the translations in English for the Ghalib’s poetry that’s recited in the Event.

“O God Thy blessings on the soul
Whose name just came to my lips.
And as I willed that it be sung,
My speech rained kisses on my tongue.

These images drawn by Thee to make
Thine grand image, this world
Stand there like supplicants bowed in prayer:
Their burden they can’t bear.

The Fire in me, it rages high,
Though I be bound in chains.
The chain rings bounce,for they are light
Like hair all curled by flame

No simile matches her playfulness
And her quick-silver, passionate ways,
For, lighting lacks, by far, her play
And her temper is hotter than a blaze.

It is the nature of love, no doubt:
A kind of freak fire, which
You cannot start just when you wish,
Nor can you put it out.

A fire is raging in my heart
On this lonely night
My own shadow doth run from me
A smoke from fire takes flight.

It is ages since my beloved’s feet
Did cross this poor threshold.
So let her, with her twinkling cups,
Light up my dark abode.

My bustling crowd of desires
Each took my breath away!
Though I could quench many, many of them,
Yet millions remain un-slaked.

Frog Princess…

And there is a special reason behind this title. Its a personal moment of happiness for me, as one of my pals found his frog princess over the virtual world. There is an aura of happiness around me, a sense of mirth that surrounds one when something good happens to people you care for. Mood of the moment is commanded by bliss, and here I retire with prayers wishing the best for him.

A Testimonial Of Love…

Sometimes I wonder that’s what love in life is. Love and its longing weaves a lilting yearning in my life that I seldom pause to wonder at the magic of love that I subconsciously indulge in. Love that’s giving, love that can make a prophet, martyr or a seer out of a self centered person. Yet, at times I cant help but ponder if love is selfish. When those really close loved ones ask for a testimonial of love. I feel like saying that love is not a piece of cake where each may lay their claim. Yet, its that obligation of relationship that makes me play along. Especially when I really believe in the strength of their affection. Something in that mental makeup of mine votes for that obligation that springs from love over privatism(or the joy that results from celebtrating my individuality). May be, its true. We all change for the ones we love. 

True to my stars, I can seldom differentiate between love and friendship, as I think one feeds on another. Sometimes, I tilt much towards the latter, as it taught me how to give without expectations and about being there in times of need. Yet, if I have to sum life in a few words, its always family, friends and a chance of self-expression.

A Take On Beauty..

This post is dedicated to Anita Roddick for she led my personal favorite campaign on Self Esteem called ‘The Ruby Campaign’. Ruby was a realistically and generously proportioned doll that tried to mock the all so perfect Barbie which hammered the young girl generation in to getting into that perfect shape at any cost and there by falling prey to eating disorders, bulimia etc. Being a part of the very cosmetics industry, Anita champions an ethical revolution by quoting, “It makes me angry, not only because it is a male-dominated industry built on creating needs that don’t exist, but because it seems to have decided that it needs to make women unhappy about their appearances. It plays on self-doubt and insecurity about image and ageing by projecting impossible ideals of youth and beauty.” Though am a self confessed prude, I cant resist posting the Ruby posters over here for the benefit of folks who are discovering Ruby right now.

Some facts that the Ruby Campaign highlights is

“# There are 3 billion women who don’t look like super models and only eight who do.
# Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
# If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
# The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14.
# Scaled to life size, a Barbie doll would be 7’2″. She would have a 40″ bust, a 22″ waist and 36″ hips.
# One out of every four college-aged women has an eating disorder.
# A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70 percent of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.”

Ruby kind of explores in a deep way the notions of beauty, desirability and the society induced guilt which propagate unwholesome psychological needs of beauty. And now men are not left either in that pursuit of unreasonable Adonis. With all media going gaga about the chiseled muscle men, many of the guys are pumping their Testosterone in those high intensity workouts for that perfect V shape. Yesterday, in one of those engaging discussions with my pal, I had my first brush with this guilt in a guy. Though it gives a grim satisfaction if I consider those issues of equality in dark humor, I couldn’t digest my friends going through this phenomenon without an awareness of the baggage that they carry. If we are chiseling ourselves for being good enough and attractive to that illusionary partners, we are piling our subconscious under a mountain of guilt and inferiority complex. And tell me this. How can I expect to be loved for what I can be, if I don’t love myself for what I am? For love with oneself is expressed in the way we relate to humanity. Unless I am comfortable with myself and accept myself for what I am, I can never accept the other person for what he or she is. I would burden him or her with unreasonable expectations and may build pressure on them to live up to my love, almost expecting them to pay a price for a chance at a relationship with me.

Guess, I need to clarify here, as I have indeed suggested diet plans for a couple of my friends while advising them to keep their weight in check. I did so, as I experimented with myself with various diets and I indeed believe that holistic life includes being right sized for flexibility, health and activity. I do believe that a well balanced holistic lifestyle attuned to nature wouldn’t store excess fat or flab on body. Yet, we are the way we are based on the trade offs and the choices we made. I am comfortable with what I am and I won’t let some external entity alter my views on beauty, femininity or the acceptability or desirability of myself. To put it simply, I use or try things based on my interest or curiosity and not because ‘I am worth it’.

If I look at the entire process and concept of beautification, I feel that its an attempt by all of us to be loved and accepted a little more. Isn’t it? Yet, my appeal for all is to do it for oneself and internalize that idea of beauty that you have after keen reflection. I hate to see anyone being plagued by a concept called alienation: of being a part of the world you don’t want to be in and working for a goal that you can’t own in heart for societal or for ‘the significant other’s’ sake. We all try to change for those we love, yet do keep this in mind. Those who reciprocate wouldn’t care whether we are good enough and those who don’t doesn’t matter. Falling in love with oneself, and wearing that narcissistic hat once in a while is a great way to catch that conceptual perfect unicorn for yourself. Cherish all that is you, coz you are unique in our own special way just like everyone else is and noone can take that from you.

Here’s my favorite Darren Hayes’s “Good Enough” song for you all. I loved this song both for its lyrics and the music.

“If I woke up late
Couldn’t get out of bed
If I bought you a cafe latte instead
If I lied when I said
32 inches was the size of my waist
And can I admit
Every once in a while
Even though I dig alternative style
Occasionally
I can be caught dancin’ to Brittany
And can I confess
That art house doesn’t turn me on
But I like every single thing that Speilberg’s done

Could I be good enough
Could I be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell that could be good enough “

Summing Up The First Quarter..

Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by some blessed soul over here. I identify with most of it. Yet, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on what has been an enriching journey. There is a lot of sunshine, some perfect moments, a few relationships of lifetime, reflections, solitude, lessons earned, studies unlearned, and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories. Through the walk of life, I discovered joy in music, books, writing, woods, friends, family, mentors and myself which filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.

My experiments with life have evolved with the different phases that I whizzed by trading my innocence with apathy. Now, am wondering as to how to name those stages? Should I call them Childhood, Adolescence, and My Struggle to Grow Up or should I adhere to the society standards and treat them as Education, and Settlement? When I got all I wanted or asked for, there was a sheer joy of achievement and when I didn’t, there was a huge lesson hidden in the reflection of that experience. It wasn’t all roses, yet while looking back, I realize that those little setbacks and failures taught me more than those larger than life kind of victories (they seemed that way when I was there ).

Now let me confess this, I had a fabulous set of memories of growing up. My first 25 years that rolled by left me no regrets! Life is indeed beautiful. Call me Ulpasantoshi or easy to please, yet that is the big truth of my life. Words fall flat if I have to express my gratitude to my loving family which shaped me and been a pillar of strength, fabulous mentors who watched over when I faltered, friends offering companionship and acceptance in need and deed, and a lot of strangers and acquaintances who knowingly or unknowingly etched their footprints through innocent interactions. It is indeed people and nature, and the relationships I created with them which made me what I am.

Every day that I wake up in presents me with new challenges or opportunities,of which I passed up some, while exploring some. There is some realization and an immense depth of learning along the way, which I plan to record here for my sake so that when I look back after another 25 years, I can muse on what changed and what stayed on. I know it sounds rather ambitious, but I plan to stay around savoring life for another 3 quarters at the least.

I have learned to appreciate elders, value experience, cherish people, share a smile, care with empathy, love without expecting reciprocation, cheer for the fellow men, endorse goodness whenever I can, enjoy my company in those moments of solitude, face uncertainty, live in the moment and to accept myself for what I am. And am practicing with myself to incorporate them in every pace of life. There are some things that I am trying hard to give up. Like wondering about cosmic questions like the purpose of life, playing the Nostradamus, Ignoring the present in an attempt to design future, postponing happiness, procrastination, transactional relationships, materialistic pursuits and being a rat in the race. That’s a constant battle that I wage on a daily basis with the inner demons, to get that right equation for holistic life.

This first quarter is all about developing roots, as I can feel that a lot of my convictions have only become stronger with age. Glad to trade my innocence for those wonderful moments, memories and experiences that altered me in minute ways, I see a long road ahead to work with myself in translating values to action, moments to memories, and dreams to reality.

To sum it up, let me borrow from Robert Frost.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”

You Are Not The Same Gal Anymore..

Ouch! That innocent observation did hurt! And it pained much more as I know it has a grain of truth.

Agreed that I lost a little bit of peace of mind in trying to be a rat in the race.
Agreed that am not connecting with those people who really matter in my life.
Agreed that the dreamer in me went on a strike to protest my callous indifference.

Mea Culpa..

No time to watch the sunbeams painting the sky in yellow and gold.
No time to bask in the moonshine from my portico in the afterglow of a fulfilling day.
No time to relish in fresh morning breeze swaying over my silkened hair.

Yet, my dear pal, let me offer this political explanation. In this age full of adrenaline and confusion, I feel as if I am chasing illusions and grandiose dreams – of trying to make it big in life. This rat race metrics can make me quite dazed especially if I have to conform to the trite conventional standards. In this run to nowhere, I am missing the acknowledgment of the present and the beauty of small things that paint life in infinitesimal detail. Yet, to confess, I am working on it and be patient with me.

I change roz roz, and this is time or a phase in life where am grappling the unknown and the darkness. Yet, as a realist, let me acknowledge this as well. I believe that eternal optimism is any day better than persistent pessimism. Let me connect with myself as life seems to be sweeping me in deluge!

Some Thought..

“Whatever we never seem to learn is that the world runs on a few dozen cliche’s. We spend our lives repeating ourselves..”

*********************

Thats the SMS that I received over my mobile from a Pal who loves to capture the beauty of expression from the books he engages with. What struck me is the potency of the thought in that simple statement. How true!

Many a times we are challenged by the circumstances to be true to ourselves.. Though the lessons and knowledge are universal, and we are equipped to deal with the world with enough cliches since childhood, the choices that we make in those moments of life are intensely personal. Choosing right over convenience, love over hatred, sharing over selfishness and honesty over deceit.. These are the choices that make our journey of life intensely personal.. These are the moments that ascertain our purpose of life and define its direction. We indeed spend reaffirming ourselves though the choices we make..

Indeed, life rolls in patterns!

Moment By Moment..

Thats the way to take life I guess.. I never can claim that I lead a perfect life, yet yes, I acknowledge the existence of some perfect moments as and when they happen.

This Saturday was really like some pot luck where one discovers all his favorite dishes at one go. Ever experienced this wicked glee on your face when someone sings aloud those melodies that are lingering in your thought? Ever cribbed to God about something, and saw your choicest desire taking shape in an instant? Ever longed for some soulful company and saw your best pal calling you that very moment.. All this and many more brightened my joy to the hilt..

Am just counting my blessings, moment by moment.

Of Thorn Birds, Pain And Sacrificies..

******************************************************

” There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then singing among the savage branches, it impales itself on the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen , and God in his heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain………Or so says the legend…”

****************************

The only one reason why I came across this paragraph in ‘Thorn Birds’ by Colleen MacCullough is due to the effective PR of a pal who can’t help himself from sharing anything beautiful with the world around him. I loved this legend for the beauty of expression more than anything. Yet, I go back to it often and wonder.. Why do people feel pain is gain? Though my views have grown more tolerant towards pain, this legend reminds me of an achingly painful and purposeless sacrifice of the Nightingale for making of the red rose in the Oscar Wilde stories.

When I reflect back in one of those lazy chair moods, I wonder why is that we have so much love to pain? Pain is intense, private, overwhelming and absorbing. And guess we enjoy the high of being heroes of our lives, fighting all those unpredictabilities, chaos and let downs of life all alone. And guess thats why we remember and relate to the Romeo-Juliet, Heer-Ranjha’s of the world more than many happily ever after stories (I can’t even quote a popular love story with a happy ending! Ahem!) . Yet, We love to rationalize the pain, agony, sacrifices and sufferings of life with strange reasons best known to the cosmic entities. And we idolize those sacrifices and sufferings too. Of all the mysteries of life, aren’t we being masochistic by celebrating pain?

Ladies Day out…

Mmm.. that was fun with my colleagues at Accenture at the Royal Orchid Doddi’s Resort in Bangalore this Saturday. They say that the journey gets most exciting when we don’t know where we are heading. I could easily relate to this during this ladies day out. We are all just a bunch of 80 gals from different projects joined together for an all day party. We played some interesting team games during the first half which included filling the pitcher, passing the hoolaloop, and making a human machine. It was interesting to watch to see the evolution of team dynamics along the event, and ofcourse being a part of the game.

It was amazing fun to make pals with colleagues whom I have never met before. Fun to be absolutely careless and carefree after a tiring week with a bunch of strangers! We have played, pooled, sang and danced all day and shared some perfect moments with one another. Its not about the resort, or the facilities but more about the experience. Met some amazing people and made a couple of pals too.. After all, why should guys have all the fun?

Skeletons in The Cupboard..

This is one of those persistent echoes from one of those intellectually stimulating conversations that I relished and indulged in grandeur. How do we deal with broken dreams, unrequited love, and breach of trust? How do we handle with that muted voice of the Maverick that lies with in us? We all have our own little skeletons in our cupboards from past. Everyone emerges different from similar experiences depending on how they chose to deal with them.

One of friends’ shared with me his perspective one day. Since I know he wouldn’t mind, am quoting him verbatim.. “Heard “Ekla chalo re?” All of us are individuals, responsible for the fruits and pitfalls of our individual actions. Ever since I was a young, I hardly remember a time when I didn’t suffer from crush pangs. Grew up like that, got ditched a couple of times, but picked up the remnants and carried on. Anyway, you never know who is trustworthy and who is not. I trust everyone and no one. Even if I get ditched, I’m not affected, and if I am not, I’ll have won over someone. Life doesn’t play safe. You’d either be endangered or as safe as in Fort Knox.“

Some choose to live in profound confusion and conflict quagmire, finding it hard to let go of past and some are able to pick up the pieces and move on savoring life moment by moment. Whatever that we choose to do and how would we deal with the skeletons in the cupboard in the end is our personal choice. It’s about being comfortable with our thoughts, value systems and ourselves. What’s life if it’s not spiced with joy, mirth, sorrows, complexities, love, fun and friends? We all have our own wars to fight, storms to rage, dreams to conquer and dragons to slay. Sometimes we may end up with terrible wounds, raw pain, and shattered dreams. I heard someone saying Pain is Gain. How true! Life is a learning process for sure. Hold on to that inner spirit and enjoy the ride.

Confessions of A Bookworm!

These days my life is filled with loads of books! And am celebrating. Its been a long time that I have consciously taken time to read good stuff and it feels as if I am falling in love with literature again!

I have always felt that these long hours at a dumb terminal did leave very little for intellectual companionship. After a tiring day, I just wanted to drop dead on my bed or wanted a predictable comfort from a mills and boon! All I wish for is some intellectual stimulation or productive engagement!

Having time at my disposal, these days I am exploring some quality literature. Trust me, they can be quite intoxicating! Being an avid backer of fiction, I checked out TIME’s All time 100 list, and the Pulitzer’s Prize Winners to check those that behold my interest. It sound’s like sheer greed, isn’t it? I agree!

Yet, my greed finds its rationalization when I wonder at the marvelous play of words in the book that I hold at night, awaiting to turn to the last page with a contended glee so that I can imprint the loving experience that I shared with it.

There is nothing like a good book or a bad book.. Each one is a new world and either you feel like a part of it or you don’t! Racing through the each page, living through the characters, you do get a vicarious sensation of living through different times! Such is the world of books for me!

Beauty of Well Worded Thoughts!

Talking of those days when I am down and I have shut myself from the world, of those days when I cried in private and put a brave mask to the world, of those days when I lose myself in a book unwilling to face the day.. I have lived the life of an escapist at times! There are times when I felt so uncomfortable to acknowledge or accept that part of me, especially when I retracted into a rugged shell to play the recluse quarantined in my own comfortable solitude. I am breaking from the mould, as I have learned to be patient and accepting of myself, of my choices and actions.

Life’s choices are based on our reactions at that moment. Probably reflecting back, I can always say that I could have handled the moment in a better fashion. Past is always easy to judge, as its comprehended. Yet, things doesn’t look so black and white when one goes through the rigmarole! A friend of mine has beautifully worded my reaction as ‘survival instinct’. It truly made me pause and wonder. What a pertinent phrase to rationalize my actions! The power that well worded observation had on me is beyond expression. It feels as if a new insight dawned on me and I looked through things in a different light! Such is the power of the right words! Well, that doesn’t mean that I hunt for harmonious thoughts to justify my feelings.. Infact, this post is dedicated to the beauty of expression and also to that sweet friend who made my day!

My Convocation!

I went to Pune on this 21st of Jan. 22nd Jan was our batch convocation at IMDR. The moment Chennai Express reached Pune, every grueling moments of the 23 hour journey was forgotten and I was giggling like an idiot! I never know that I was suffering from such heavy dose of nostalgia! The train journey was quiet enjoyable, thanks to my batch mate who gave me a good company. I went to my old flat at Mini Apartments on Bhandarkar Road. Everything seemed so normal…

I met an old friend there. He became sick without proper food and a lot of tension in life. Well, he is working in sales in the financial sector and guess there lies the reason for his unbalanced life. Financial sector frightens me with a strenuous work life. I just wonder about those poor souls who are facing the heat! I spent the evening with another friend over dinner catching up with the old times. Nothing changed infact!

On Sunday Morning, I had a great time running to the railway station for booking my return tickets.. That was quiet a long walk which rejuvenated my old memories. Infact, I went for walking for about 4 km a day throughout my stay in Pune.  I went for the convocation dressed in the Maroon Sari, a tradition of IMDR. I was feeling curiously strange as the convocation discussion was a little off the track. Surprisingly, I was a little tensed! Ultimately I was called on the podium as I stood first in Lady Students of our batch. I won a cash prize called “Late Shri. S.G.Barve free studentship.” Well, I felt strange that they decided to have a prize for a ladies topper and that ended up to be me of all probabilities! I was happy that the most creative award of the batch went to Reema Sahay. Who else? I can never forget the beauty and simplicity of her poems.

After the convocation, I had a grand lunch with my Mentee. There is a thing called Mentorship in IMDR where one senior takes the charge of one junior in the process of begadofying and guiding. That’s quite a fruitful relationship as it creates the pegs and relationships across the batches. After that hearty lunch, I went to my relatives place. I love their daughter, who is just 6 years old. She is too sweet and pleasant. Infact, I extended my trip in order to spend decent time with her.

My Observations

One thing that echoed common among a lot of my batch mates is disillusionment, as their expectations are no match to the kind of profiles in which they all ended up. I could sense the dilemma and the turmoil. Life has become a struggle in work life with the emerging challenges. The desire to keep the dreams alive is dwindling and life is rolling in pursuit of mundane tasks. Sad, yet true. I felt little lonely in the campus, guess that’s because of the lack of the comfort factor. A lot of things changed, isn’t it? That’s all about my convocation..

Friends!!!

Friends give a reason to smile! They are like a mild refreshing breeze over the boredom of life. What else can I say about them? They spice up life!

Life in Chennai would be a big BORE if not for a few good friends that I have. Life has become so comfortable as I have people around me who would lend an ear whenever I need someone to talk to. My job has become pretty routine and since I am still in training, I get good amount of leisure time which I chat my way through. If not for my friends, I would have gone half insane with the mechanical interaction that I have with my desktop in the office. How many times do I wish that this dumb computer can talk and write. Let me tell you guys, even if you have unlimited internet access and a computer dedicated to you, its quite boring to spend your time looking at the screen. I feel drained out in the end of the day, even if I did exactly nothing! I just can’t wait to get into the real work.

I am happy as I have a few good friends around. Some are working in the same company, so they can understand the situation in a much better manner. But then, the conversations during official hours is much much different than what you can have during evenings. Well, thanks to the so called corporate professionalism! I just shudder to this world devoid of friends.. Hope that day never comes in life! Long live friendship!!

A lovely Evening and a Bus ride!!!!

Yesterday I went out with two of my good pals for a dinner treat. Actually it so happened that they were treating me. I don’t know the reason, but do you really need a reason for receiving a treat? We went to a good place and then later, being a little on the cranky side, we brought ice creams and watched the traffic on M.G.Road in Pune sitting on the steps of Canbank ATM. Later we hitched a ride from there to Deccan and it was absolute fun! Enjoying the bumpy ride always reminds me of my childhood where I had to travel a lot on bus to reach my Granny’s place.. The evening went quite blissful!